Bundy Bullshit

Right. Here’s a quick sum up of what’s happening at the whole Bundy Thing in Nevada:

“For years, cattle rancher Cliven Bundy defied legal orders instructing him to remove his cattle from a publicly owned allotment of land in the Nevada desert. Bundy, who says he does not recognize the authority of the federal government, initiated a decades-long conflict in 1993 when he began refusing to pay grazing fees related to his cattle’s use of lands referred to as the Bunkerville allotment. An escalating series of judicial orders eventually led to the revocation of his grazing rights and orders to remove his cattle. In April, officers from the Bureau of Land Management (BLM), which stewards the land in question, began impounding the cattle in order to pay off the nearly $1 million Bundy owes in unpaid fines and grazing fees. The conflict reached a boiling point on Saturday, when Bundy and hundreds of protesters, including militia members, initiated a standoff with authorities. Violent rhetoric associated with the movement led BLM to abandon its efforts to round up the cattle.”

First, that twatwaffle Bundy does not, and has NOT EVER owned the land he claims is “his”, and he has a legal responsibility to pay the grazing fees:

“Cliven Bundy, the rancher whose cattle were rounded up and then released by the BLM over the weekend, claims that his family has used the land in question since 1880 but the Nevada Constitution pre-dates this by 16 years. When Nevada became a state in 1864, its citizens gave up all claims to unappropriated federal land and codified this in the state’s Constitution. The Nevada Constitution states: “Third. That the people inhabiting said territory do agree and declare, that they forever disclaim all right and title to the unappropriated public lands lying within said territory, and that the same shall be and remain at the sole and entire disposition of the United States; …..” [Furthermore] If Bundy “owns the land then where is the deed?  Where are the records he paid property taxes? It’s not his land. Bundy also claims that it his “right” to graze these BLM public lands.  This is not the case. The Taylor Grazing Act of 1934 specifically states that the issuance of a grazing permit does not confer any right to graze or right to own the land. The Taylor Grazing Act is the granddaddy of the U.S. laws governing grazing on federal land. “Taylor” was a rancher and a congressman from Colorado, hardly someone to want government tyranny over ranching.”

Thus, Bundy’s entire argument for “his” land is unmitigated bullshit. The asshat just doesn’t want to pay the grazing fees. The rumor going around the Far Right — the unholy trifecta of Right Wing Fears – that Harry Reid and a Chinese company want to put a solar plant there is also bullshit.

Secondly, the militia members out there threatening the federal government with machine guns are calling themselves “patriots”, and that chaps my ass like a sandy wind. People fighting FOR their country, like members of the armed forces of that country, are patriots you dumb fucks. You all are, at best, militant separatists. Feel free to call yourself “freedom fighters” but what you are is a pack of rabid terrorists.

Terrorism is “ 1. the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes. 2. the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization. 3. a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government.”

You threatened the government with automatic weapons to get your own way. Not only that, you delusional shit-for-brains are willing to do HORRIBLE things to “prove” how “bad” the USA is.

“A former Arizona sheriff who supported a Nevada rancher in his land dispute with the federal government says he would have put women in the frontline if officers started shooting. Richard Mack, a Bundy supporter who served as sheriff of Graham County, Ariz., between 1988-1997, told Fox News on Monday about a planned strategy if “rogue federal agents” had opened fire. “We were actually strategizing to put all the women up at the front,” he said on Fox News, according to TheBlaze.com. “If they are going to start shooting, it’s going to be women that are going to be televised all across the world getting shot by these rogue federal officers.” [Mack said ]“If they’re going to start killing people, I’m sorry, but to show the world how ruthless these people are, women needed to be the first ones shot. I’m sorry, that sounds horrible. I would have put my own wife or daughters there, and I would have been screaming bloody murder to watch them die. I would’ve gone next, I would have been the next one to be killed. I’m not afraid to die here. I’m willing to die here … But the best ploy would be to have had women at the front. Because, one, I don’t think they would have shot them. And, two, if they had, it would have been the worst thing that we could have shown to the rest of the world, that these ruthless cowards hired by the federal government will do anything.”

Okay, so the terrorists are willing to let noncombatants die so they can “prove” the evil of their enemy? How unsurprising.  Their ideologies are no different from that of Timothy McVeigh when he blew up the ATF building in Oklahoma. These wands of smelly hagfish slime are no different from the Islamic militant separatists they claim to despise. They are just as ready to resort to violence to “do the right thing” and get their way while still believing that they couldn’t possibly be the bad guys! Osama bin Laden also told his followers that they had to kill the evil people in the USA who were oppressing them. Bundy has the same spiel as Bin Laden. What patriotism!

The showdown on the Bundy ranch was a bunch of terrorists defending a liar and the only reason they weren’t blown to pieces was because our government (while containing many serious flaws) is not a despotic regime. Frankly, I think the yahoos aiming guns at federal officers need to be sent to Gitmo to serve time with their ideological brothers.

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, irony set on "stun", shit I think y'all should know | 5 Comments

Autism and Pollution

Well, there is a new kid in town that Big Oil and Big Chemical companies will want you to ignore. In fact, they would like you to ignore this even more than they want you to ignore Climate Change, which is saying something.

That new kid in town is the swelling volume of research linking autism spectrum disorders to pollution. A recent study in the PLOS Computational Biology Journal used data from the “health records of over 100 million Americans in an effort to shift research from almost exclusively genetic to include environmental factors … The report looked at birth defects associated with parental exposure to pollution and found a 1% increase in the defects corresponded to a 283% increase in autism.”

Autism is genetic and biologically complex and starts in the womb. Studies have shown that autism may also share some genetic risk factors with attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder and schizophrenia. It looks like the expression of these genes is “turned on” or worsened by exposure to pollution. God knows that the ranking of air pollution in cities overlaps neatly with “autism clusters”. How not surprising.

This information is not that new. Scientists have been finding links between pollution and autism for a while now. Is it being discussed nationally along with demands that the EPA do something about it? Nope.

My only child with Asperger’s, Lilo, was conceived and born in Dallas, TX. Texas has a hell of a lot of pollution, including ranking #1 in mercury pollution. My middle and third daughters were conceived and born in Indiana, which is also a high pollution state but still has just a little more than 1/2 the pollution Texas does. Moreover, the last two were born in a small town while Lilo was gestated in the middle of a city with air quality index in the red for MONTHS at a time. I also didn’t know (back in the dark ages of 2004/2005) the importance of organic food and high-quality Omega 3 fatty acids. By 2006/2007 I ate mostly organic and took Carlson’s fish oil daily. By the time I had Spock in 2010 I was an organic fanatic and ate Carlson’s fish oil capsules like they were candy.

We could afford organic food and mercury-free fish oil from Norway. WTF happens to the babies whose mother’s live in a big city and can’t afford the best nutrition? If a fetus is inside a poor women, do we just not give a shit?

Jesus wept.

Posted in daughters, health, life as I know it, motherhood, shit I think y'all should know | Leave a comment

Rape Culture and the Misapplication of Power

One of the MANY heinous things about rape culture is its message about power. To be able to demand/force sex from someone IS power according to rape culture. Therefore, it should be no surprise that according to a:

study, published in the journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity, 43% of high school boys and young college men reported they had an unwanted sexual experience, and 95% reported that a female acquaintance was the aggressor. “Sexual victimization continues to be a pervasive problem in the United States, but the victimization of men is rarely explored,” said the lead author, Dr. Breanna French. “Our findings can help lead to better prevention by identifying the various types of coercion that men face and by acknowledging women as perpetrators against men.”

This sucks. Rape is not about sex – it’s about power. The largely ignored world of female-male sexual assault is a fine example of some women trying to earn a stronger place in the patriarchy by conscripting a supposed “masculine” trait for their own empowerment. I am disgusted that some women do this, but not shocked.

Bill Maher, whose liberal politics don’t mitigate his sexism, upheld rape culture by mocking the entire concept of female-male sexual assault:

Bill Maher mentioned this research on last night’s “Real Time”. Unfortunately, it was in the sorta segment that straight up perpetuated the myth that all men want sex all the time. Where women get slut-shamed, men can’t because the double standard says that they’re always sluts. [He hit] on all the male victim tropes: the victim’s masculinity is called into question, the victim is told to be happy about getting laid, and the narrator talks about being desperate enough to sleep with someone vastly unsuitable. It ends off by calling male victimization “Lucky Bastard Syndrome”

“Lucky Bastard Syndrome” is no different from the rape “joke” that “if its gonna happen anyway, might as well lay back and enjoy it”. Both minimize the trauma of sexual assault and both perpetuate harmful gender ideologies that serve to reinforce the patriarchal hegemony.

Yet feminism it the one accused of hating men.

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, rape culture, shit I think y'all should know, slut shaming, victim blaming | Leave a comment

Book Review!

(I’m up over on The Romance Reviews again, reviewing the stuffing out of The Jade Temptress by Jeannie Lin. Imma repost it here, because I can.)

I bought Jeannie Lin’s novel THE JADE TEMPTRESS on the day it came out, because it featured secondary characters from an earlier book of hers that I really liked. I had just finished reading The Lotus Palace and had noticed that supporting players Mingyu and Wu Kaifeng were the bees knees and the chemistry between them crackled even though they only interacted a few times. THE JADE TEMPTRESS promised to tell me more about them.
Mingyu is a courtesan, not a prostitute. Men paid for the privilege of being around a witty, talented courtesan, but were not able to just buy a spot in her bed. Dudes had to work hard (and bring a shitload of presents) to charm a courtesan into taking them as lovers. Sometimes powerful, rich men would buy a courtesan’s contract and she would be monogamous with them. Mingyu’s contract is with a big shot general, and when she goes to see him one fine day, only his headless corpse awaits her.
Wu Kaifeng is a constable, a police officer with some status but not a whole bunch so he isn’t one of the Fat Cats whom Mingyu is used to hanging with. However, he is trained in forensics and winds up the main man in charge of solving the crime. Isn’t CSI a little anachronistic, you ask? Nope. Jeannie Lin herself explained to the reader that:
“Wu Kaifeng’s forensic knowledge was based on case records of criminal investigations from as early as the Han Dynasty and through to the Tang Dynasty. The most prominent treatise on Chinese forensics in imperial China is physician Song Ci’s “The Washing Away of Wrongs” which was written later in the 13th century. However, given that many of the earlier case records included detail about forensics investigations, I took some liberty and extrapolated that these processes of autopsy and crime scene recreation were likely, or at least believably, in place in some form during the Tang Dynasty.”
One of the many reasons I love Jeannie Lin’s books is the historical accuracy. Yes, she gave the Tang Dynasty an “alternate timeline” and can stretch the truth a bit for her storyline, but she kept the day-to-day life of 9th century China spot on. I know, because after reading her books I was curious enough to read books on Chinese history. First, the Chinese have a LOT of history. Secondly, most of their technology was so far ahead of Europe during the same time period it would give a self-satisfied WASP a big ol’ sad.
Mingyu has been trained since she was really young to do one thing really, REALLY well: to manipulate men via their emotions and lust for her body. It is her only protection, her only armor, and her key to survival. Her superpower meets its kryptonite when she runs into Wu.
I adored Wu. I am pretty sure the guy has Asperger’s syndrome, as does my own Sweet Babou. Wu’s reactions, his behaviors, his seeming coldness that covers profound feelings — all of that screamed Aspy to me. Lin either knows an Aspy or has yet again done research out her wazoo.
Anyway, you can image how Mingyu feels about running up against a man that doesn’t seem to be moved by her womanly wiles. She slowly becomes…herself. Wu, who has been smitten with her for a long time but unable to express it, becomes one of the few people Mingyu knows who sees her as a human being, not art-on-sexy-legs. Of course, you gotta sleep with a guy like that, right? Like me, Mingyu discovers the delights of having laser-like Aspy attention focused on making you feel real, real good.
More interesting things happen in the book. The murder mystery is good. Character development grows like someone fertilized it. Finally, Wu and Mingyu get to their Happily Ever After, and boy did they deserve it!
I am giving this one a solid 5 stars.

Posted in I like this, dammit., reviews, Sexy Sex | Leave a comment

Does a uterus make you a liar?

Today, that’s to Tina Price-Johnson, I read something amazing by Soraya Chemaly. I liked her blog so much I joined Tumblr just to follow her. (Now, I have a blog on Tumblr. I feel very modern; like a real hep cat.) 

The gist of Saroya Chemaly’s post was that our culture and many others train people (men and women both) to assume women are lying/liars:

“No one says, “You can’t trust women,” but distrust them we do. College students surveyed revealed that they think up to 50% of their female peers lie when they accuse someone of rape, despite wide-scale evidence and multi-country studies that show the incident of false rape reports to be in the 2%-8% range, pretty much the same as false claims for other crimes. As late as 2003, people jokingly (wink, wink) referred to Philadelphia’s sex crimes unit as “the lying bitch unit.” If an 11-year-old girl told an adult that her father took out a Craigslist ad to find someone to beat and rape her while he watched, as recently actually occurred, what do you think the response would be? Would she need to provide a videotape after the fact?

It goes way beyond sexual assault as well. That’s just the most likely and obvious demonstration of “women are born to lie” myths. Women’s credibility is questioned in the workplace, in courts, by law enforcement, in doctor’s’ offices, and in our political system. People don’t trust women to be bosses, or pilots, or employees. Pakistan’s controversial Hudood Ordinance still requires a female rape victim to procure four male witnesses to her rape or risk prosecution for adultery. In August, a survey of managers in the United States revealed that they overwhelmingly distrust women who request flextime.  It’s notable, of course, that women are trusted to be mothers—the largest pool of undervalued, unpaid, economically crucial labor.”

This shit right here is the underlying reason horrible person Peggy Holland Grable and her equally horrible sister Stephani Holland Brower (see my last couple of posts for the backstory if needed) called an abuse survivor a liar. She was a woman. Her word, her account, her honesty were all in doubt because she had a vagina. Horrible person Peggy Holland Grable and her equally horrible sister Stephani Holland Brower couldn’t remember seeing any evidence of abuse 40 years ago; therefore, in spite of court records to back the survivor up, they decided to publically declare her a liar on her own Facebook page. They accused her of seeking attention (WTF? Do they think people get positive attention when we don’t keep our abuse quiet? Because that is so damn ignorant I could almost pity horrible person Peggy Holland Grable and her equally horrible sister Stephani Holland Brower).  

This shit right here is the reason Dylan Farrow’s memory of her own sexual assault by Woody Allen is called into question by asshat rape apologists. This shit right here is the reason why most rapes and sexual assaults are not reported to the police “(an average of 60% of assaults in the last five years were not reported). Those rapists, of course, will never spend a day in prison. But even when the crime is reported, it is unlike to lead to an arrest and prosecution. Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 3% of rapists will ever serve a day in prison.” This shit right here is why that far-right pander and sexual harasser Clarence Thomas is on the bench of the Supreme Court; as a black woman, Anita Hill’s credibility wasn’t good enough

I have had enough of this shit.


life is unfair

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, Feminism, I've been thinking too much, irony set on "stun", shit I think y'all should know, victim blaming | 7 Comments

Look at me, not shutting up

Yesterday, horrible person Peggy Holland Grable and her equally horrible sister Stephani Holland Brower the were the subject of my blog post. Why? Because they casually denied the legally substantiated claims of a child abuse survivor because they  thought her mother was nice and never saw her covered in bruises. It would have been vile enough for them to spew their ignorant shit in private, but the twatwaffles put it out there publically on her Facebook page.

I had strong words to say about that. Some of these strong words were posted on BlogHer. MYSTERIOUS the post was taken down on that site because some asshats whinged and pouted. I’m guessing the said asshats were horrible person Peggy Holland Grable and her equally horrible sister Stephani Holland Brower.

This leads us on todays lesson on hypocrisy. A hypocrite is 1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs. 2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

Let me explain fully why horrible person Peggy Holland Grable (and her equally horrible sister  because she defended Peggy Holland Grable’s bullshit) are hypocritical hyena taint boils. You see, Peggy Holland Grable had the brazen-ass gall to tell a friend of mine, “if you don’t want to hear people’s opinions on the stuff you post….don’t put it out there!!!! Just sayin”, as well as chastising her because she called someone who had ‘judged’ her for having Type I Juvenile diabetes a “judgmental bitch”.

This self-same Peggy Holland Grable then turns around and doesn’t want to bear to hear anyone’s opinion about the vicious libel she was vomiting up in a public setting. Just sayin’. She was 17 different kinds of butthurt that I had an opinion she had said. Just sayin’. Worse, she tried to silence me the same way she tried to silence Meredith with her derision. Clearly people aren’t allowed to say anything Peggy Holland Grable doesn’t “like”. How nice that she is the Queen of Everything! Narcissistic much?

Moreover, Peggy Holland Grable, the judgmental bitch, did something way worse than call someone a judgmental bitch: she called my friend Meredith a liar. Peggy Holland Grable had the nerve to cast aspersions on Meredith’s childhood trauma and yet still felt qualified to be all sniffy and high-falutin’ about Meredith’s “name calling”. This was on TOP of her hypocrisy of getting snotty in the first place, since she was already “outed” as a hypocrite by someone noting, “Geez, Peg. I’ve seen you go off on people in Threads on your own Page. The pot calling the kettle black , and all.” The pus-icing on the shit-cake of Peggy Holland Grable reprehensible attack on Meredith, is that she followed it up with a fucking SMILEY FACE.  So you can say whatever hostile thing you like, so long as you follow it was a smiley emoticon? Is that how it goes? Let me try: 

Peggy Holland Grable , you are a labia-faced demon-sucker from the bowls of hell. Smile

Okay, then.

Stephani Holland Brower also called Meredith a liar with “attention issue”, but also poured the arsenic-syrup of smugness over it by assuring Meredith that she was a “nice” person and Stephani Holland Brower wished her “the best”.  Basically, Stephani Holland Brower  was saying “you are lying about the heinous details of your abuse for attention Merry, but you are nice and I wish you the best”. Stephani Holland Brower  used a more verbose kind of smiley face, but it was still a fucking smiley face. For example,

Stephani Holland Brower , you are an evil, backbiting, two-faced, self-righteous, puffed-up thunderdouche, but I am sure you are otherwise a nice person and I wish you the best Steph.

Hmmm? Did that really make what I said all better? Stephani Holland Brower ‘s rules of grammar confuse little ol’ me.

In closing, I would just like to assure horrible person Peggy Holland Grable and her equally horrible sister Stephani Holland Brower that they made a grotesque mockery of human decency by insulting Meredith’s veracity, and that they made a BIG mistake when they tried to silence me.

Perhaps they should Google the term Streisand Effect?

the credible hulk

Posted in Feminism, I've been thinking too much, irony set on "stun", shit I think y'all should know, victim blaming | 6 Comments

Calling an Abuse Survivor a Liar

Yesterday, my friend Meredith Wood posted this on her Facebook page.

Good Morning World!
No temp for 48 hours….
Coughing less, less congested…

Saw my own Dr. yesterday………There is something else going on that has contributed to all this snotmageddon and pneumonia…having some specialized tests next week.

The good news is that despite the infection and fevers…my blood sugar was good and my A1C remains at 6 (for 4 continuous years now) which is a very hard thing to do even if you have minimal stress in your life.

So for the snotty judgmental bitch who messaged me a freaking novel and said: (among other things) “Gosh that sounds all dramatic, are you sure you are not over reacting to having a cold.”
It’s not a cold….it started out as a sinus infection and turned into pneumonia. No it’s not dramatic, its freaking miserable.

**When you suggested I “cure” my diabetes by natural means, your ignorance is profound. When your pancreas doesn’t work, (as mine doesn’t) and doesn’t produce insulin there is no fix or “cure” for it.
**Your comment that “people like me obsess over our blood sugar” was infuriating. I don’t talk about my diabetes a lot, and taking your blood sugar several times a day is part of treatment not an obsession. “People like me?” Really? Judge much?
**Your question “What did I do to cause this diabetes?” Yes, it is true there are people in this world who could reduce their chances of getting this disease through proper diet and exercise, but that’s not true for everyone. When I was diagnosed I weighed 140 lbs., and was not considered fat by anyone’s standards. Diabetes medications, in fact, do contribute to weight gain. There are several factors that contribute to diabetes that have nothing to do with being fat: Genetics (My father was a diabetic and so were several other family members on his side), Traumatic pancreatic injury, serious illness, cardiac surgery, radiation and chemotherapy, all of these things can contribute. Generally though…it is genetics, its not a matter of blame, or fault.
**Your advice about “eating garlic daily and drinking vinegar water, and using cleanses” is not going to “cure” my diabetes or make my pneumonia go away faster. In fact, it could make things a whole lot worse. Your advice is dangerous. I imagine I am not the first person you have tried to “help” with your advice. Please stop…you could hurt someone badly, or even hasten their death, with your misinformation.

I don’t get freaked out by things like the common cold… However, I am an insulin dependent diabetic and have been for 20 years now, I still have all my limbs, kidneys, vision, etc. For someone who has been diabetic as long as I have, that’s a miracle. It also means that what I am doing is working, and working well. When you are insulin dependent, your immune system is compromised and even a common cold can turn into pneumonia in a matter of days… and it takes a little longer to get over things than for a “normal” person. What really would have helped me “not give myself pneumonia?”

Lastly, my mother used to say, “God save me from well intentioned people!” I now know what she meant, thank you for providing that clarity.

Do you now have some clarity? I hope so.

My husband is a Type I diabetic and I can tell you that I would  verbally slice-n-dice anyone dumb enough to suggest his islet cells would magically heal themselves by eating garlic. I think Meredith was quite nice about it actually, and she never named names. She’s classier than I am. But then, THIS happened:

A woman named Peggy Holland Grable (whom I do not know) posted on Meredith’s timeline. “Thats the number one reason I don’t post anything personal. When I’m sick with a cold or flu (which isn’t very often) I keep that and all my bodily functions and fluids to myself. My personal life is not shared on FB. Just my opinion!!! I was taught, and I have always told my kids and now my G-kids, don’t share anything personal in writing if you don’t want to hear or see other peoples opinions or in some cases suffer the consequences. Some things are just best kept to your close family and friends.”

In short, she thought Meredith should STFU about her health on her own damn Facebook page. Funny, my mother taught me that this kind of condescending, judgmental advice was rude, but clearly we are not the fine upstanding people Peggy Holland Grable would care to sully herself with. Meredith handled it was aplomb:

“Peggy I don’t mind if people say things on my posts as long as they are not rude or abusive.
I probably will continue to post personal stuff, it is my page. I write about me…my position is that if people don’t want to see it they can unfriend me.
I blog and speak from my personal experience and write about surviving life as I know it. I have no real secrets anymore. I had a childhood riddled with secrets and abuse…that haunted me for most of my life…I don’t keep secrets now..I don’t hide things now, its my way of breaking a horrible pattern that existed in the family I was raised in.
I just think that people should stop and think sometimes before they hit the keyboard. I could have gotten all mad and offended and published HER name, but I chose not to and to make my point this way instead. I don’t mind if people message me either and generally I would never publish anyone else’s post like this. But in the last 20 years I have met many people who have the strangest ideas about diabetes, I chose to use this forum to provide some education to that person and everyone else.”

Did Peggy apologize? Nope. She chastised Meredith further:  “We were neighbors for several years…..I always saw you and your family as being a very normal and happy bunch always outside playing with smiles on your faces. I thought your Mom was very very sweet and a very nice person. I didn’t realize your childhood was so horrible.” She further posted, “And I agree about people should stop and think before commenting on someone’s statis. BUT like I said, if you don’t want to hear people’s opinions on the stuff you post….don’t put it out there!!!! Just sayin” and “Then don’t call one of your so called friends a “judgmental bitch” You don’t make sense.”

Y’all, I’ll give Peggy Holland Grable a pass on commenting about Meredith’s “normal” family, because she might not have realized how “doubtful” she sounded, however is there anything more passive aggressive and asshatish than “just sayin” to get out of apologizing for your rudeness? Moreover, calling an anonymous person a “judgmental bitch” is Meredith’s right. I wonder what it is about the phrase “judgmental bitch” that makes Peggy Holland Grable so defensive?

Meredith, having huge balls and refusing to keep the secrets of abusers, shared (emphasis mine):

Well Peggy, I seem to have aggravated you by saying NO to someone who WAS being judgmental…and by doing it a fairly tactful manner on my own page. IF you think I am posting TMI you can either unfriend me or choose not to read my posts, its really that simple. The person who sent me that long novel of a message actually read this post and was not offended, she was horrified, and not angry at me at all. She really was not aware of how what she said sounded and appeared… now she knows.
About my childhood, I have to tell you this…and you will probably think this is TMI as well. And it is more than I would generally share on facebook, but something I have blogged about, and talked about with my close friends over the years. Those same friends who have loved me, helped me learn to trust again, and who were there with me during decades of therapy. For a variety of reasons, they know I speak the truth.
When I was always smiling…I would have been beaten within an inch of my life if I appeared anything but smiling and happy in public. We moved to that street when I was 8 years old…you have NO idea what happened to me in the first 8 years of my life. You have NO idea what was going on in our house on that street…You are a little older than I am so you were not in my “play group.” Therefore you might not have noticed that I “rarely” played outside at all.
You probably didn’t know that my parents would show up at school and peek through the windows at us to make sure we weren’t doing anything wrong.
You had awesome parents, great connections with your family, you had a good childhood…not every child on that street did. Not every student who went to our school did. The truth of the matter is that I lived in those days in constant fear of people finding out, of people thinking that I was a bad person because of what happened to me, of being ashamed of who I was, of being judged…and that if someone knew what was happening and discovered the truth that I would be punished even more severely…. because in the past when I did tell I was beaten. That’s why we left our old neighborhood and moved to Edmonds…the neighbors reported my parents to child services.
I grew up being told I was stupid and worthless and disgusting, and being told that I was liar, because what happened to me, happened to my “sweet” mother, and she was afraid if that was discovered, people would know what happened to her. So she told everyone I was a liar. IN truth I was, I lied every day to cover up what was happening and to keep from being beaten. I lived in fear of people knowing what happened to me, because I was so scared and shamed at home, that I couldn’t trust ANYONE else not to shame me too. There was so much that went on that no one had a clue about..and that was so painful…that it fractured our entire family. I was the “bad kid” that got blamed for everything, and punished for everything. There were times it felt like my siblings were glad I was being beaten because at least it wasn’t them. My siblings learned that the best way to get “in” with my parents was to tell them I had done something wrong…..it distracted my parents from what they were up to and kept them from being whipped.
My family wasn’t happy and it only “looked” pretty from the outside.
I have looked though old family photo’s and yearbook photo’s, etc and there isn’t a single photo of me with a smile on my face unless it was in public. There are hundred of photos of my siblings, and very few of me.
I remember after my stepfather beat me so badly half my body was black and blue, walking to the bus stop and someone asking me what “I” did to “deserve” a beating like that. Truthfully, I hadn’t done a damned thing, my stepfather had discovered cigarettes in my sisters room, she told them they were mine and he beat me badly enough that my nose and cheek were broken. My mother didn’t stop him, she never did. She was right there telling me how awful I was and how everyone was going to know what a nasty little lying girl I was. That wasn’t the first time he beat me…but thank god it was the last.
Thank God there were two female teachers at MHS (Kennedy/Duckworth) who didn’t think I deserved that. They didn’t believe me when I lied and told them I had been in an accident because I was terrified about what would happen to me if I told the truth.
They helped me…They helped me be able to speak the truth, they helped me when my parents had me put in Juvie for being “incorrigible”
There is a reason I was emancipated as a minor before I graduated from HS…You may not have seen past that pretty public façade and my “sweet” parents but after investigating, the courts sure the hell did…and they set me free because it was THAT bad. There are reasons I have chosen to maintain a great distance from some of my siblings since that time. There are reasons it has taken me 40 years to be able to contact people I grew up with, and why I never moved back…Lots of people thought my parents were awesome and my mom was so sweet…thank god I knew not to go to any of those people for help. I might not be alive today. I knew my parents told people I was unstable and a liar, and “so lost” to cover up what they did. I know they told people how they were sacrificing so much to keep me in a private school. Truth? I was living off Greenlake, going to high school extension classes and working two jobs to support myself.
Despite what you may think, I don’t hate my mother, father, or stepfather or my siblings. I only ever wanted to have a normal childhood and a normal family. I do have some random good memories, My mother did teach me some good things. They did the best they could with what they had, there were not a lot of resources at the time, and I was a girl, a little girl really, I did what I had to do to survive. …I wish things had been different but they weren’t.
I wish that I had a family as kind and loving as yours, but I didn’t. They were the ones who missed out on my life…Thank God those two teachers helped me find my voice, and spoke the truth for me when I was to afraid to make a sound. Thank god I had friends who were there for me to help me on the path to healing, who told me I had worth and value who have been there for every milestone in my life. They helped me learn to believe in myself, they loved me even though I was damaged goods.
Now THERE is some TMI for you…………….”

Okay, faced with that surely Peggy Holland Grable apologized, right? Surely she just commented on Meredith’s bravery and the good example she was setting for other victims/survivors by realizing that SHE had nothing to be ashamed of, right? Especially since other people “outed” Peggy Holland Grable as a hypocrite by posting, “Geez, Peg. I’ve seen you go off on people in Threads on your own Page. The pot calling the kettle black , and all.” 

Nope. Peggy Holland Grable had the audacity and heartlessness to post: “Meredith, to be absolutely honest with you, after doing my own research, I don’t belïeve half of what you have done or what you say. I think you have fooled a lot of people….I’m just not one of them!! De-friend away  Smile

Yes. She put a fucking smiley face on the end of that. She called an abuse survivor a liar and she put a fucking smiley face on it. That’s when I realized that Peggy Holland Grable wasn’t just a ill-mannered hypocrite, she was an asshat of the first water. First and foremost, WHAT research could she have done? Is she saying that in a handful of hours she asked for and received Meredith’s juvenile court records? What other “research” would provide actual proof?

Oh, and then Peggy Holland Grable’s sister, Stephani Holland Brower, dogpiles on with “Sorry Merry, but I do not get why you are posting these things? I was your neighbor and sometimes playmate. I never once saw a bruise on you. I think some of the things you say are for attention. There are positive ways to get attention too. I too knew your family and never saw anyone bruise or mistreated. Your sister was good friends with Sue and always was happy and friendly. We saw you and your siblings every day at the bus stop and never saw a bruise on them either. I think you are probably a nice person too, but I think you have an attention issue. Also my sister Peggy does not lie, her one fault may be that she cares enough about others and did not want them to be mislead. I wish the best for you Merry.”

So …. the Holland sisters assume the courts emancipated Meredith with no physical evidence?  And their proof of this is that THEY don’t lie? But Meredith must be lying because THEY never saw a bruise? Yeah, because abusers never think of that and strike the abdomen do they?  Also, emotional abuse leaves all kinds of physical evidence, yeah? Wow.

Asshats like Peggy Holland Grable and Stephani Holland Brower should fucking educate themselves about the realities of child abuse before they opens their mouth again in the future. If nothing else, these wretched people should learn that getting people to believe child abuse happened is hard and the victims run into twatwaffles who “like” the “nice” parents and accuse the victim of lying all the fucking time. Moreover, they need to know that  it is COMMON for parents to pick a single child out for abuse, sparing the other offspring, so the experiences of Meredith’s sisters mean jack shit in relation to Meredith’s abuse.  What a horrible, horrible people Peggy Holland Grable and Stephani Holland Brower are!

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, victim blaming | 9 Comments