No Winning Here

After Israel had to deal with the fallout of international condemnation because the IDF thought bombing a school that was being used as an United Nation’s shelter for Gaza’s children was totes okay (which the US also made tsking noises about but then agreed to give Israel more ammunition), the Israeli government and Hamas agreed to a ceasefire today. As you probably knew, or could guess, It ended less than four hours later.

One of the sticking points to a truce in the first place was the fact that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said that he was going to keep on keepin’ on busting up the tunnels in Gaza – which present a potential threat to Israeli citizens if they are used to infiltrate Israel — “with or without a ceasefire“. Soldiers on the ground and bombs in the air is not so much with the “ceasefire”, no? Well, no sooner did the shame of the school bombing force Netanyahu to the table for talks, some asshats in Hamas killed two soldiers and kidnapped another one, effectively pissing away what little hope the ceasefire had.

WTF Hamas? Have you lost your damn minds? Are you unaware that the Palestinians they are supposed to represent are up to their lips in shit? For God’s sake, 1/4 of Gaza’s population (about 425,000 people) are now refugees. Surely you know more than 1,400 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli bombs, and that most of the dead and wounded were innocent civilians.  What good could possibly come of breaking the ceasefire?

While I am on the topic of dumb, WTF is wrong with your mind for ordering the attack in the first place Netanyahu? Those tunnels have yet to prove a significant threat and are a piss-poor excuse for an invasion. Now at least 58 Israelis have been killed (56 were soldiers and two civilians) to ‘keep Israelis safe’. Even more Israeli citizens would have died if most of Hamas’ rockets weren’t being destroyed by Israel’s Iron Dome missile defense system before they can touch the ground.

Of course, the people who are suffering the greatest number of casualties due to the joint stupidity and obstinacy of Netanyahu and Hamas aren’t Israeli soldiers or Hamas militants. Nope. It’s the non-combatant adults, children, and babies of Gaza, who are dying that’s who.

The grief of Palestinian families:


is the same as the grief of Israeli families:

isreali grief

The agony of a parent feels upon losing a child is no less whether that child is a baby or adult, Palestinian or Israeli.

Israel, you cannot “win” this war with bombs. The tunnels are less of a potential danger to you than the current damage you are causing to your own people, and your own interests, by continuing this conflict. Do you have any idea of how repulsive the bombing of schools and hospitals makes the IDF seem? Do you want the stain of ethnic cleansing on your nation? (Yes, it is ethnic cleansing and has been outed as such.) Do you think that will increase your security among your neighbors?

Hamas, you cannot win any war with Israel, period. Start to emulate Gandhi or Liberian women by the nonviolent protesting Israeli/Palestinian apartheid or watch more of your children die. You should be fighting in the social media, not in the streets. The only way to get your assess out of the alligators is by making the average Israeli utterly reject the option of assault. As long as Netanyahu can offer evidence of a threat to Israelis, some Israelis will see war on Gaza as an option for defense.

As for the rest of the world, Australian Jewish freelance journalist and author Antony Loewenstein said it best, “What you need is more people in the public arena to not be scared, to say I’m critical of Israel, I’m not anti-Semitic, I support Jews’ right to live freely and openly as I do as a Jew but we will not tolerate our politicians failing, and therefore civil society must act …  Growing isolation and boycotts and divestment and sanctions [against Israel]; that is the only way … I can guarantee after this current Gaza massacre ends, BDS (boycott, divestment and sanction) will grow.”

Jesus wept.

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, I've been thinking too much, shit I think y'all should know | Leave a comment

Resolution for Gozer

My parents and I are no longer in a snit. They wrote me a sincere and heartfelt letter explaining their position, apologizing for hurting me, and in all kinds of turmoil because I was angry. It turns out that, for reasons known only to themselves, they thought I was furious because I wanted them to “confront” BabyBro and TaintFace for their lying shenanigans. They didn’t want to do this because they knew TaintFace is hell-beast enough to keep Gozer and Gamer away from them as a punishment, and BabyBro has no spine when it comes to his twatwaffle of a wife. They didn’t think it would help anything if they had less access to Gozer.

No shit, Sherlock.

I explained that, NO at no time did I want them to confront BabyBro and the skank he loves. The opposite in fact. I don’t want to remind BabyBro that he has left a channel open for me to talk to the doctor. Befuddled, my parents tried to figure out WHY they thought I wanted a confrontation. It boils down to the fact Mom assumed that because I was angry, I wanted them to punish BabyBro and TaintFace for their egregious behavior toward me. The fear that she would have to chose between her daughter or forfeiting contact with her granddaughter caused her to lose her ever-loving mind and shriek “bully” at me.

Oh, that reminds me. Mom apologized for calling me a bully but said that when I lost my temper she “felt” bullied. Fair play. Her feelings are valid. She is extremely conflict-adverse with a whistle-blower daughter who fears to challenge neither man nor beast; this ain’t easy on either of us. We discussed what a bully actually is, and also why she should let me off the phone when she triggers my PTSD. She cried, because she says she never knows what she said to trigger me. She wouldn’t say it if she knew.  She has agreed to let me off the phone until I can explain my trigger without yelling from here on out; I promised to explain it to her later when my head wasn’t exploding. 

I pointed out that this time my tempter made an earth shattering kaboom because she told me Gozer was “not my business”. What she was trying to convey was that I should not have to bear the burden of raining Gozer. What I heard was “I’ll defend my precious baby boy and leave Gozer swinging in the wind with no net”.

Misunderstandings had occurred.

Furthermore, it turns out that BabyBro wasn’t the one to tell Mom the whopper about Gozer not having autism. That was TaintFace, who had told my Mom that “she and BabyBro” had talked to the doctor. It made me feel worlds better to know that although my brother is delusional about his wife, it is not yet to the point of outright lying about his daughter. I fear that day will come, but it is not here now. As for TaintFace — she has always been a liar. I am assuming it is a defense mechanism as a result of an abusive childhood. I pity her, but I nevertheless dislike her intensely.

The upshot is that Mom is reading the books on autism and trying to learn what to do for Gozer, which is what I wanted and she thought I *knew* she would do. I had to explain again that thinking she has communicated me via facial expression, tone, or omission is a pipe dream. Muggles have such a hard time grasping that Aspy people cannot read expression or understand tonal communication most of the time. Muggles are weird with their subtext and shit.

The fight was exhausting, but worth it to me because now I know explicitly that Gozer will at least be getting the help she needs when she is at my parent’s home.

Posted in Asperger's and Autism Spectrum, I've been thinking too much, life as I know it, Too Much Information | 2 Comments

Organic Food IS Better For You

A recent study, the biggest one done to date, found that organic food is both more nutritious and much lower in toxic metals than non-organic ‘conventional’ crops.

“Analysing 343 studies into the compositional differences between organic and conventional crops, the team found that a switch to eating organic fruit, vegetable and cereals – and food made from them – would provide additional antioxidants equivalent to eating between 1-2 extra portions of fruit and vegetables a day.

The study, published today in the prestigious British Journal of Nutrition, also shows significantly lower levels of toxic heavy metals in organic crops. Cadmium, which is one of only three metal contaminants along with lead and mercury for which the European Commission has set maximum permitted contamination levels in food, was found to be almost 50% lower in organic crops than conventionally-grown ones.

Newcastle University’s Professor Carlo Leifert, who led the study, says: “This study demonstrates that choosing food produced according to organic standards can lead to increased intake of nutritionally desirable antioxidants and reduced exposure to toxic heavy metals.”

With this incontrovertible proof the US government will immediately switch subsidies over to organic crops to make them affordable to the masses, regardless of how much money Big Ag/Monsanto throws at politicians. Politicians everywhere with shout, “Let Monsanto squeal! We’ll do what’s right for our citizens!”

They will then die horrible deaths when the flying pigs come shooting out of their asses.

Posted in health, shit I think y'all should know | 1 Comment

A Strange Thing To Be Thankful For

Yay! My friend Sweet Pea had an ovarian torsion that had caused the ovary to swell to the size cantaloupe! She had to have immediate invasive surgery to remove the ovary!

Why does this make me happy?


Sweet Pea is recovering well. I will be watching her cute son for a few days while her husband flies out to get her and help her home. She was, of course, in North Carolina on a gig when her ovary decided to make its shenanigans known. You know, cause the only thing better than a rotten engorged ovary trying to kill you is an rotten engorged ovary trying to kill you 300 miles away from your husband and child.

I’ll resume my regular ranting tomorrow.

Posted in I like this, dammit. | 1 Comment

Torsion is Better Than Cancer

Sorry I didn’t blog yesterday. I was too worried to concentrate.

My friend Sweet Pea was on a gig far from home when she had monster pain in her abdomen. She has PCOS and it felt like another cyst was busting, which is hella ouchy. She took herself to an urgent care center and they did an ultrasound.

The doctor made a frowny face.

Sweet Pea had a mass on her right ovary the size a child’s fist. He told her to get herself home pronto and make an emergency appointment with an oncologist. Home was unfortunately a 12 hour drive away and she was in a lot of “discomfort”, which is what doctors call it when you are in agony. It was all the not good.

Thankfully, Sweet Pea was surrounded by people who think she is the bee’s knees and jumped in to help. The orchestra coordinator for the gig has an ex-husband/friend who is an oncologist, and he got Sweet Pea in to see a gynecological oncologist this morning. The Gyn/Oncologist looked at the radiology report and said she thinks it is probably ovarian torsion and a cyst rather than a cancerous tumor. She’ll check while she is rooting around inside Sweet Pea.

Torsion of the ovary is a painful, surgery-requiring illness with lots of recovery time so it ain’t fun … but it ain’t cancer. Thus, I am rooting for Sweet Pea to be afflicted with a screwed ovary (a twisted sister?).

Please feel free to join me in hoping my dear friend has torsion of the ovary. You may use the emotional/spiritual hoping of your choice.

I’ll let y’all know when I know, okay?

Posted in health | 2 Comments

The Battle of Gozer Continues

I had a fun little tiff with my mom Monday.

I called to tell her that BabyBro had lied and she needed to take Gozer’s Aspy-ness into account, since she is a de facto co-parent. If BabyBro and TaintFace won’t give Gozer the help she needs, at least my mom can, right?

Did I get that far into the conversation with my mom? Did she ask what she could do for Gozer as soon as she heard Gozer’s autism was confirmed?


Instead she started chewing me out for checking up on BabyBro. I wish I was making that up, but it is true.

She wanted to know why I had called the doctor; didn’t I trust my brother? (Uh, not on this and it turns out I was right to think he was a big ol’ liar.) Why did the doctor tell me? (Because BabyBro had given her permission to tell me and never rescinded it.)  Didn’t I know she had told me what they said in secret? (No, and if I did it wouldn’t matter because 1) I have told no one else but the doctor and 2) I would have still fact-checked his lying ass.) Etcetera, ad nauseam.

It was a full-out harangue, y’all. Like I was the one who had lied to her and was doing something harmful to Gozer. WTF?

Meanwhile, I kept trying to change the topic to Gozer, since I don’t give a shit what BabyBro and TaintFace are lying about outside of that topic. That’s when mom started sputtering and snarling that it was none of my business whether Gozer had Asperger’s or not.

So my niece’s health and well-being is not my business? I have no right to try to make sure she is getting what she needs? I have no right check up on the lies her own parents are telling about her? I’m just supposed to abandon her to her fate because that is what is “easiest” for the “family? Turn away, pretend I don’t see and pretend I don’t know?

I can tell you from the bitter experience of the little girl’s point of view that if all the adults in her family implicitly teach her that she isn’t important enough to “cause problems” for the menfolk of the family, then it SUCKS DONKEY TAINT.

Since this had now triggered my PTSD and I was getting incandescent with rage, I told mom I needed off the phone right then before I truly lost my temper. I have had at least three therapists tell me the best way to handle mom’s passive-aggressive attacks is to walk away when my PTSD temper starts to trigger so the conflict won’t escalate. After  all, the goal is conflict resolution in these situations and escalating a fight would exacerbate it.  I have spent years in therapy learning how to deal with the pain mom occasionally inflicts on me without needing or trying to get retaliation.

In response, my mom shrieked, “Fine! You bully!” and continued to chant/scream “bullybullybully” as I disconnected the call. It was behavior best suited to a particularly immature tween, and it irked me.

Why did she call me a bully, when walking away instead of retaliating is the opposite of bullying someone? In short, she knows that bully is a “bad” thing to be and used the term around to hurt me or “punish” me for not letting her “win” the fight. In short, she was using the word bully to hurt me and try to coerce me into being docile and to gain domination over me. She used the word bully to be a bully. My head would explode with the irony if I weren’t so used to it.

Then again, she was probably unaware of the irony. In mom’s world, fights are never resolved – they are won or lost. If she didn’t feel that she won, QED she must have lost. That means that I must have won! If I won, then I am a bully! Thus, she doubtlessly feels justified in calling me a bully.

People using words wrong drives me bananas. My angst that she called me a bully without context or veracity is  nothing compared to the Aspy rage of incorrect verbiage.

She also uses the word anal (as in anal personality) wrong. She thinks is equivalent to asshole. For example: “That person is so anal. They never finished painting the baseboards of the church after they started it.” That’s not directed at me, but it is like nails on my autism blackboard nonetheless.

I am glad Gozer is worth a lot of pain, because that is exactly what I am getting in trying to help her. I feel like the latest casualty on the War on Whistleblowers; no good deed goes unpunished. 

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, Asperger's and Autism Spectrum, irony set on "stun", life as I know it, motherhood, scared for life, victim blaming | 1 Comment

Gozer Has Autism

While I was home, my mother told me I didn’t need to worry about Gozer any longer. My BabyBro had told her the doctor had called him to tell him Gozer was Autism Free! Wasn’t that good news?

I thought to myself, “Bullshit.”

Thus, I called the doc when I got home. BabyBro has never rescinded permission to tell me things; he said she could tell me whatever I asked about Gozer as long as she never gave it to me in writing. The doc and I used that wide-open window to discuss Gozer.

Does it surprise ANYONE to learn that the doc had actually called BabyBro to confirm that Gozer had Asperger’s?

She also let him know that the full report would be coming in 4 to 6 weeks. I can only assume he would have kept that on the down low or flat out lied to my parents about it as well.

Why would he lie? To protect his wife, of course. I think he rationalized to himself that if Gozer didn’t have Asperger’s, then I would somehow be “at fault” for the “fight” and that there would be family pressure for me to apologize to TaintFace.

Considering the fact that the “fight” was over her phoning me shrieking and name-calling at 10:30 PM, how could he possibly think lying about Gozer’s autism would make the fight go away? Simple. He has “remembered” the event in a context most favorable to TaintFace, of course.

This is how far he will go in his own head in order to justify his love for that insane asshat. This if how far he will go, even so far as to lying about his child and denying her the help she needs, in order to keep that batshit twatwaffle he married from “looking bad”.

He loves his daughter; I have no doubt. Nevertheless, he puts his wife’s needs ahead of the needs of his children and that disgusts me to the soles of my feet.

I need a much stronger word for disgust to explain what I am filled with toward TaintFace. Ur-loathing? Uber-sneer?

When I out him to our parents as a liar, (which I have to do so they can understand Gozer HAS autism) I will guarantee that he will start attacking the doc’s credentials to try to “undo” the diagnosis. You know, because PhDs in clinical and educational psychology and 20 years of experience mean nothing compared to TaintFace’s need to be right. Gozer’s best interests mean nothing compared to TaintFace’s need to be right.

I am so fokking pissed off right now.

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, Asperger's and Autism Spectrum, irony set on "stun", life as I know it | 4 Comments