Yesterday, my friend Meredith Wood posted this on her Facebook page.
Good Morning World!
No temp for 48 hours….
Coughing less, less congested…
Saw my own Dr. yesterday………There is something else going on that has contributed to all this snotmageddon and pneumonia…having some specialized tests next week.
The good news is that despite the infection and fevers…my blood sugar was good and my A1C remains at 6 (for 4 continuous years now) which is a very hard thing to do even if you have minimal stress in your life.
So for the snotty judgmental bitch who messaged me a freaking novel and said: (among other things) “Gosh that sounds all dramatic, are you sure you are not over reacting to having a cold.”
It’s not a cold….it started out as a sinus infection and turned into pneumonia. No it’s not dramatic, its freaking miserable.
**When you suggested I “cure” my diabetes by natural means, your ignorance is profound. When your pancreas doesn’t work, (as mine doesn’t) and doesn’t produce insulin there is no fix or “cure” for it.
**Your comment that “people like me obsess over our blood sugar” was infuriating. I don’t talk about my diabetes a lot, and taking your blood sugar several times a day is part of treatment not an obsession. “People like me?” Really? Judge much?
**Your question “What did I do to cause this diabetes?” Yes, it is true there are people in this world who could reduce their chances of getting this disease through proper diet and exercise, but that’s not true for everyone. When I was diagnosed I weighed 140 lbs., and was not considered fat by anyone’s standards. Diabetes medications, in fact, do contribute to weight gain. There are several factors that contribute to diabetes that have nothing to do with being fat: Genetics (My father was a diabetic and so were several other family members on his side), Traumatic pancreatic injury, serious illness, cardiac surgery, radiation and chemotherapy, all of these things can contribute. Generally though…it is genetics, its not a matter of blame, or fault.
**Your advice about “eating garlic daily and drinking vinegar water, and using cleanses” is not going to “cure” my diabetes or make my pneumonia go away faster. In fact, it could make things a whole lot worse. Your advice is dangerous. I imagine I am not the first person you have tried to “help” with your advice. Please stop…you could hurt someone badly, or even hasten their death, with your misinformation.
I don’t get freaked out by things like the common cold… However, I am an insulin dependent diabetic and have been for 20 years now, I still have all my limbs, kidneys, vision, etc. For someone who has been diabetic as long as I have, that’s a miracle. It also means that what I am doing is working, and working well. When you are insulin dependent, your immune system is compromised and even a common cold can turn into pneumonia in a matter of days… and it takes a little longer to get over things than for a “normal” person. What really would have helped me “not give myself pneumonia?”
Lastly, my mother used to say, “God save me from well intentioned people!” I now know what she meant, thank you for providing that clarity.
Do you now have some clarity? I hope so.
My husband is a Type I diabetic and I can tell you that I would verbally slice-n-dice anyone dumb enough to suggest his islet cells would magically heal themselves by eating garlic. I think Meredith was quite nice about it actually, and she never named names. She’s classier than I am. But then, THIS happened:
A woman named Peggy Holland Grable (whom I do not know) posted on Meredith’s timeline. “Thats the number one reason I don’t post anything personal. When I’m sick with a cold or flu (which isn’t very often) I keep that and all my bodily functions and fluids to myself. My personal life is not shared on FB. Just my opinion!!! I was taught, and I have always told my kids and now my G-kids, don’t share anything personal in writing if you don’t want to hear or see other peoples opinions or in some cases suffer the consequences. Some things are just best kept to your close family and friends.”
In short, she thought Meredith should STFU about her health on her own damn Facebook page. Funny, my mother taught me that this kind of condescending, judgmental advice was rude, but clearly we are not the fine upstanding people Peggy Holland Grable would care to sully herself with. Meredith handled it was aplomb:
“Peggy I don’t mind if people say things on my posts as long as they are not rude or abusive.
I probably will continue to post personal stuff, it is my page. I write about me…my position is that if people don’t want to see it they can unfriend me.
I blog and speak from my personal experience and write about surviving life as I know it. I have no real secrets anymore. I had a childhood riddled with secrets and abuse…that haunted me for most of my life…I don’t keep secrets now..I don’t hide things now, its my way of breaking a horrible pattern that existed in the family I was raised in.
I just think that people should stop and think sometimes before they hit the keyboard. I could have gotten all mad and offended and published HER name, but I chose not to and to make my point this way instead. I don’t mind if people message me either and generally I would never publish anyone else’s post like this. But in the last 20 years I have met many people who have the strangest ideas about diabetes, I chose to use this forum to provide some education to that person and everyone else.”
Did Peggy apologize? Nope. She chastised Meredith further: “We were neighbors for several years…..I always saw you and your family as being a very normal and happy bunch always outside playing with smiles on your faces. I thought your Mom was very very sweet and a very nice person. I didn’t realize your childhood was so horrible.” She further posted, “And I agree about people should stop and think before commenting on someone’s statis. BUT like I said, if you don’t want to hear people’s opinions on the stuff you post….don’t put it out there!!!! Just sayin” and “Then don’t call one of your so called friends a “judgmental bitch” You don’t make sense.”
Y’all, I’ll give Peggy Holland Grable a pass on commenting about Meredith’s “normal” family, because she might not have realized how “doubtful” she sounded, however is there anything more passive aggressive and asshatish than “just sayin” to get out of apologizing for your rudeness? Moreover, calling an anonymous person a “judgmental bitch” is Meredith’s right. I wonder what it is about the phrase “judgmental bitch” that makes Peggy Holland Grable so defensive?
Meredith, having huge balls and refusing to keep the secrets of abusers, shared (emphasis mine):
Well Peggy, I seem to have aggravated you by saying NO to someone who WAS being judgmental…and by doing it a fairly tactful manner on my own page. IF you think I am posting TMI you can either unfriend me or choose not to read my posts, its really that simple. The person who sent me that long novel of a message actually read this post and was not offended, she was horrified, and not angry at me at all. She really was not aware of how what she said sounded and appeared… now she knows.
About my childhood, I have to tell you this…and you will probably think this is TMI as well. And it is more than I would generally share on facebook, but something I have blogged about, and talked about with my close friends over the years. Those same friends who have loved me, helped me learn to trust again, and who were there with me during decades of therapy. For a variety of reasons, they know I speak the truth.
When I was always smiling…I would have been beaten within an inch of my life if I appeared anything but smiling and happy in public. We moved to that street when I was 8 years old…you have NO idea what happened to me in the first 8 years of my life. You have NO idea what was going on in our house on that street…You are a little older than I am so you were not in my “play group.” Therefore you might not have noticed that I “rarely” played outside at all.
You probably didn’t know that my parents would show up at school and peek through the windows at us to make sure we weren’t doing anything wrong.
You had awesome parents, great connections with your family, you had a good childhood…not every child on that street did. Not every student who went to our school did. The truth of the matter is that I lived in those days in constant fear of people finding out, of people thinking that I was a bad person because of what happened to me, of being ashamed of who I was, of being judged…and that if someone knew what was happening and discovered the truth that I would be punished even more severely…. because in the past when I did tell I was beaten. That’s why we left our old neighborhood and moved to Edmonds…the neighbors reported my parents to child services.
I grew up being told I was stupid and worthless and disgusting, and being told that I was liar, because what happened to me, happened to my “sweet” mother, and she was afraid if that was discovered, people would know what happened to her. So she told everyone I was a liar. IN truth I was, I lied every day to cover up what was happening and to keep from being beaten. I lived in fear of people knowing what happened to me, because I was so scared and shamed at home, that I couldn’t trust ANYONE else not to shame me too. There was so much that went on that no one had a clue about..and that was so painful…that it fractured our entire family. I was the “bad kid” that got blamed for everything, and punished for everything. There were times it felt like my siblings were glad I was being beaten because at least it wasn’t them. My siblings learned that the best way to get “in” with my parents was to tell them I had done something wrong…..it distracted my parents from what they were up to and kept them from being whipped.
My family wasn’t happy and it only “looked” pretty from the outside.
I have looked though old family photo’s and yearbook photo’s, etc and there isn’t a single photo of me with a smile on my face unless it was in public. There are hundred of photos of my siblings, and very few of me.
I remember after my stepfather beat me so badly half my body was black and blue, walking to the bus stop and someone asking me what “I” did to “deserve” a beating like that. Truthfully, I hadn’t done a damned thing, my stepfather had discovered cigarettes in my sisters room, she told them they were mine and he beat me badly enough that my nose and cheek were broken. My mother didn’t stop him, she never did. She was right there telling me how awful I was and how everyone was going to know what a nasty little lying girl I was. That wasn’t the first time he beat me…but thank god it was the last.
Thank God there were two female teachers at MHS (Kennedy/Duckworth) who didn’t think I deserved that. They didn’t believe me when I lied and told them I had been in an accident because I was terrified about what would happen to me if I told the truth. They helped me…They helped me be able to speak the truth, they helped me when my parents had me put in Juvie for being “incorrigible”
There is a reason I was emancipated as a minor before I graduated from HS…You may not have seen past that pretty public façade and my “sweet” parents but after investigating, the courts sure the hell did…and they set me free because it was THAT bad. There are reasons I have chosen to maintain a great distance from some of my siblings since that time. There are reasons it has taken me 40 years to be able to contact people I grew up with, and why I never moved back…Lots of people thought my parents were awesome and my mom was so sweet…thank god I knew not to go to any of those people for help. I might not be alive today. I knew my parents told people I was unstable and a liar, and “so lost” to cover up what they did. I know they told people how they were sacrificing so much to keep me in a private school. Truth? I was living off Greenlake, going to high school extension classes and working two jobs to support myself.
Despite what you may think, I don’t hate my mother, father, or stepfather or my siblings. I only ever wanted to have a normal childhood and a normal family. I do have some random good memories, My mother did teach me some good things. They did the best they could with what they had, there were not a lot of resources at the time, and I was a girl, a little girl really, I did what I had to do to survive. …I wish things had been different but they weren’t.
I wish that I had a family as kind and loving as yours, but I didn’t. They were the ones who missed out on my life…Thank God those two teachers helped me find my voice, and spoke the truth for me when I was to afraid to make a sound. Thank god I had friends who were there for me to help me on the path to healing, who told me I had worth and value who have been there for every milestone in my life. They helped me learn to believe in myself, they loved me even though I was damaged goods.
Now THERE is some TMI for you…………….”
Okay, faced with that surely Peggy Holland Grable apologized, right? Surely she just commented on Meredith’s bravery and the good example she was setting for other victims/survivors by realizing that SHE had nothing to be ashamed of, right? Especially since other people “outed” Peggy Holland Grable as a hypocrite by posting, “Geez, Peg. I’ve seen you go off on people in Threads on your own Page. The pot calling the kettle black , and all.”
Nope. Peggy Holland Grable had the audacity and heartlessness to post: “Meredith, to be absolutely honest with you, after doing my own research, I don’t belïeve half of what you have done or what you say. I think you have fooled a lot of people….I’m just not one of them!! De-friend away “
Yes. She put a fucking smiley face on the end of that. She called an abuse survivor a liar and she put a fucking smiley face on it. That’s when I realized that Peggy Holland Grable wasn’t just a ill-mannered hypocrite, she was an asshat of the first water. First and foremost, WHAT research could she have done? Is she saying that in a handful of hours she asked for and received Meredith’s juvenile court records? What other “research” would provide actual proof?
Oh, and then Peggy Holland Grable’s sister, Stephani Holland Brower, dogpiles on with “Sorry Merry, but I do not get why you are posting these things? I was your neighbor and sometimes playmate. I never once saw a bruise on you. I think some of the things you say are for attention. There are positive ways to get attention too. I too knew your family and never saw anyone bruise or mistreated. Your sister was good friends with Sue and always was happy and friendly. We saw you and your siblings every day at the bus stop and never saw a bruise on them either. I think you are probably a nice person too, but I think you have an attention issue. Also my sister Peggy does not lie, her one fault may be that she cares enough about others and did not want them to be mislead. I wish the best for you Merry.”
So …. the Holland sisters assume the courts emancipated Meredith with no physical evidence? And their proof of this is that THEY don’t lie? But Meredith must be lying because THEY never saw a bruise? Yeah, because abusers never think of that and strike the abdomen do they? Also, emotional abuse leaves all kinds of physical evidence, yeah? Wow.
Asshats like Peggy Holland Grable and Stephani Holland Brower should fucking educate themselves about the realities of child abuse before they opens their mouth again in the future. If nothing else, these wretched people should learn that getting people to believe child abuse happened is hard and the victims run into twatwaffles who “like” the “nice” parents and accuse the victim of lying all the fucking time. Moreover, they need to know that it is COMMON for parents to pick a single child out for abuse, sparing the other offspring, so the experiences of Meredith’s sisters mean jack shit in relation to Meredith’s abuse. What a horrible, horrible people Peggy Holland Grable and Stephani Holland Brower are!