Today we shall talk about the joy and wonder of shit.
Or, more accurately, the inability of Lilo & Stitch to produce it like a normal human being.
So feel free to run screaming from the blog now.
Both my daughter suffer from encoparesis. In short, it means that they have a really, really, really difficult time making poo-poo. It takes the girls forever to have a poo and Sweet Babou or I have to sit on the edge of the tub offering encouragement and emotional support. The thing is, you can’t make a kid go poo if they don’t want to. So you become sort of a poo cheerleader/midwife. There is no dignity in this.
Parent: “Come on honey, make a poopy. You need to push okay? You can do it! Push push push pushpushpushhhhhhh!”
Daughter: “I don’t want to. It hurts.”
Parent: “I know sweetie but you have to make poopy or you will get sick. So push out the poop okay? Please? Let’s try again. Now take a deep breath and Push push push pushpushpushhhhhhh!”
Daughter: “I don’t need to poop.”
Parent: “yes, you do.”
Daughter: “No! I don’t!”
Internal dialog of parent: “For the love of Christ, all his saints, and their mothers — will you just SHIT already?!?!”
Parent: “Well, you need to try. Now, pushpushpushhhhhhh!”
Repeat for an hour.
Golly Gee, I don’t know why more people choose my career path. What with the glamour and all.