Cruella Invasion!?!

OMFG someone hand me my Xanax stat.

My Mom and Dad are coming to visit. Which is very good. The girls are beside themselves with joy at the imminent arrival of Granny and Papaw. My Dad always goes trick-or-treating with them. It’s the tradition. He even dresses up. See? Good times.

Then I talked to my Mom this morning on the way to church and she casually dropped the bomb that she and Dad are thinking of going to get Cruella and bringing her along on the visit. Ya’ll remember Cruella. She is my paternal grandmother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I blogged about this Hell-Beast before.

Apparently Cruella and Aunt Twerp, whom she lives with, are fighting. No! Look at me falling over form a lack of surprise! I honestly believe Aunt Twerp had waited to move Cruella in with her until she believed Cruella was on the final countdown to Meet Her Maker. Twerp failed to realize that Cruella will live to be 110 because God doesn’t want her and the Devil is afraid that she’ll lower the tone of his establishment. Anyway, after a few years of living with Cruella, Aunt Twerp is losing her mind and wants someone else to take the Demon off her hands. Mom and Dad, who are insane, are going to take Cruella home with them for a “long visit”.

That’s bad enough. I hate to think of the emotional damage Cruella will do to them the entire time she is there. But the fact my parents are blithely planning on bringing that Nightmare to my house, without asking me, is causing me an amazing amount of stress. Because Cruella is “family” my mom, slave as she is to the concept of kin, didn’t even think that was necessary to ask if I wanted that piece of Evil Incarnate to come to my home. After all, why wouldn’t a I want a psychopath to come visit for five days and be around my children and let her disgusting spit cup (she dips snuff, which is so gross I gag just thinking about it) spill on my floors? Surely I would be thrilled!

And monkeys are flying out of my ass!

So today I am going to have a talk with my parents on why, if they must go get Cruella, they need to get her AFTER they visit my home. This will honestly bewilder them. They cannot understand why I don’t like evil if it’s related to me. That’s how devoted they are to the ideology of family. Seriously, it’s so ingrained they cannot even fathom how I could be different. That I would shun her simply because she is cruel and malicious and a former child abuser and a liar; that I would stick to my guns and cast her out of my life because I think there should be consequences for evil actions; that I would do this even to relatives – it’s astounding to them. Non-family people? That’s fine. But to eschew “my own blood”?? Crazy talk!

Hell yeah, I will kick evil to the curb and I don’t give even a mouse–size shit if we share DNA. I don’t tolerate vile people. I just chuck them off my boat and keep rowing with/for those I love. Evil people can row their own boat.

My mom keeps telling me it’s my duty as a Christian to forgive Cruella. I keep telling mom that I have forgiven Cruella. I’m not trying to get revenge, I am not trying hurt her. But I have turned the other cheek and then walked away because only a masochist wants to stand in the same spot next to someone who keeps hitting them. Cruella is a NPD, thus she’ll keep hitting. The only rational solution is to cease interacting with her. If this makes her “sad” (one of the few real emotions NPDs have is that they can feel profoundly sorry for themselves), those are the consequences of her actions. Forgiveness does not mean I have to save someone from the consequences of their actions. If Cruella communicated to me that she was undergoing a spiritual transformation (with the help of a great therapist) and wished to atone and wanted to see me … I would be amenable. But everyone just wants to pretend that it’s fine even though Cruella is the same old shade of evil she’s always been. Because she’s family.

:::headdesk”:::

I’ll update tomorrow whether or not I successfully talked my parents out of bringing the She-Devil with them. I’ll also share another little anecdote of a horrible thing Cruella has done fairly recently to my poor Dad.

My brain hurts.

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About Betty Fokker

I'm a stay-at-home feminist mom.
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40 Responses to Cruella Invasion!?!

  1. Sure Thing says:

    FGBVs to you.

    I can’t imagine having to fight that kind of bewilderment from your parents.

    Forgiveness does not mean that the person you’ve forgiven has been given a free pass to hurt you and yours again.

  2. Lora says:

    Good luck, babe.

  3. Lora says:

    here’s hoping cruella is afraid to fly her broom into the Fokkerdom of Light, Love, and Liberality. It might melt her.

    • Betty Fokker says:

      As long as Dad is in the thrall of evil, trying yet again to earn love that does not exist, I must “hide my light under a bushel” and put up with her when we are all together. Hear that? That’s my teeth gnashing.

  4. I hope you succeed in keeping her far away from you! Go to battle Fokker, protect your realm.

  5. Clever Betty says:

    Do you have a backup plan? Like maybe a trip for you and the kids that starts a few hours before they’re scheduled to arrive and ends shortly after they leave? An illness that puts your house in quarantine so they can’t come?
    It makes me sad to think of you in all your glittery awesomeness and the little fokkerettes in training having to spend one second in the company of someone so truly evil.
    Do you need me to do some contract work for you? If so, contact me in private (if you’ve forgotten the location of my low road hangout just listen for the hockey players poker game) with a real name and address. Anything for you, babe.

  6. London betty says:

    I’d say stay strong, but you are the Fokker and Fokker = strong. Instead FGBV’s and I hope you can manage to persuade your parents that you too are family and your needs are important as well!
    Have to agree with Clever Betty a backup plan is always a good idea.

  7. Luna says:

    I’m new, so I went back and read the link. OMG. There is no way in hell I’d allow that woman anywhere near my children. Like you, I’d put up with it for my Dad, but NO WAY would I allow her near my children. One adult can do a lot of damage in a very short time. Even with you there.

    Gah. You have my sympathy.

    • Betty Fokker says:

      Hey! I read your blog and we were clearly separated at birth. Bad news is: that means you are related to Cruella too ;-) The good news is that NPDs are cowards who fear confrontation. They can bully just fine, but if someone stronger is around they smile and smile … just like Iago. Cruella knows I will hand her her ass in a hat and make her wear it, so she is all sugar and sunshine around me and my kids. So I’ll keep the girls mentally and emotionally safe even around her. But she then goes after my Dad and Mom, because she needs an outlet for her venom. And if I defend them … it hurts them because she is “upset”. However, it is understood if she goes after me or my kids, there is nothing on this plane of existence that will save her from my implacable and bitchy wrath.

      • Luna says:

        Yay! A twin! I always wanted a twin.

        It also worries me about her going after your parents around your kids. Not cool for them to learn to treat people like that. But, bleh, you can’t win ‘em all. I’m glad you’ll go Mama Bear on the kids behalf though.

      • Betty Fokker says:

        Don’t worry, she’ll be “good” around me. And it’s more that I’ll go Mama Badger. I like Badgers. They remind me of … me.

  8. Karen says:

    I didn’t know we were related. They guilt you because the problem must be you. If it’s not then they have to look at all the stuff that is swept under the rug and nailed down in the attic.

  9. Lola says:

    My parents do the same thing with my scum-sucking brother. Because he’s family, AND the first born MALE, he gets to shit on them whenever he feels like it and take their social security that they live on to eat and pay bills. They’re in debt because of him. No, because they allow it to happen, you know, because he’s family. And the first born SON. I can’t believe my parents allow someone to treat them so badly, but because he’s their FIRST BORN SON.

    Which is why I live 500 miles away from my crazy family.

  10. Stand your ground, baby. Your home is your sanctuary and no one has the right to take peace away from you. You are the might Fokker and you are strong. You can fight this fight.

    • Betty Fokker says:

      You know how the bad guy grabs an innocent bystander and the heroine cannot shoot the asshat because she might hurt the human shield? That’s how my Dad’s constant need for the She-Beast to love him acts — a metaphorical human shield. I can’t take her out without him suffering collateral damage. ARGH!!

  11. mainebetty says:

    Wow. As said above, you are family, too! You can’t control your parents’ thinking or nasty granny’s nastiness.
    You *can* control who comes into your home. Good luck with ‘the talk’ tomorrow!

  12. PrivateBetty says:

    FGBVs to you, which sometimes means Fokking Great Big Vibes instead of the usual. Hope you got your sex and bacon. keep us posted.

  13. lunarmom says:

    We got your back here Babe, plenty of pagan cops and a really pissed off witch (having my own wee difficulties of late).
    Julie

    • Betty Fokker says:

      You can always “moon” the people who make you mad. (Pretend that pun was funny, dammit. Arcane and obfuscated, but FUNNY. Work with me here.) I swear if she says anything mean to my parents around me I will go Old Testament Yahweh on her ass. I will smite her hard that she will stay smote. Kali would be impressed. Hulk SMASH.

  14. Cat says:

    I’m with you. I don’t think bad behavior should be overlooked because you share DNA. Sharing DNA is even more reason to treat you with love and respect! Not less!

    It’s obvious that you love and respect your parents. Now that you’re a grown woman, with a home and family of your own, they should respect your wishes. It may be hard for them to understand it, but they don’t have to understand it to respect it.

    I wouldn’t want that woman anywhere near my children. Ever.

    Lots of love and FGBVs for you!

    • Betty Fokker says:

      They honest cannot seem to understand that when I say I don’t want to be around Cruella, I don’t want to be around Cruella. They think it’s an oblique code or something. Seriously, I don’t want to be around her. WTF?

  15. inkgrrl says:

    Doode, my sympathies on the splatter-pattern cleanup on Aisle 5. I am also here for ya if you don’t want to bruise your toes curb-stomping asshattery.

  16. Pink Pelican says:

    FGBVs to you. I am daily thankful that my parents came through their sometimes difficult childhoods strong enough to be excellent parents. They lived hell and gone from all their families, so it was just the four of us for the most part, with occasional visits to grandparents and the rare family re-union. My dad’s father molested my aunt, and on the rare occasions we went to visit, my mom never ever left me or my brother alone in his company (but managed to do it in such a way that we never realized it and never knew why; I was in my 20s or 30s before my mom told me that). I had subsequent reasons for never much caring for either of them. Fortunately, they were simply too far away to be an issue for us.

    When each of my dad’s parents passed, I was sorry for him, and I hurt for him. I was relieved for my mom. There was very little emotional impact for me.

    While there’s a certain sadness at not having been part of an extended huge family, the quality of the family has to be taken into consideration. My parents made a loving and joyous home for me and my brother, and they are substantially better grandparents to my brother’s kids than my grandparents could ever have been for us.

    Here’s wishing you strength. You shouldn’t have to have anybody in your home that you don’t approve of/like/trust/whatever, yet it’s a hard stand to take when there is emotional blackmail in play. (And based on what you’ve said in previous posts, bewildered as they are about the motivations of your stance on family evil, your mom still knows how you feel about your grandmother. Just because she doesn’t understand it and doesn’t agree with it doesn’t give her a pass. So I think “emotional blackmail” is a justifiable way to describe it.)

    As a side note on spit cups, we’ve got a couple of friends who dip. I don’t get it, I think it’s gross, but whatever. They are usually very good about using a screw top bottle as their “receptacle”. I did, however, very firmly lay down the law that ALL spit cups/receptacles leave my house and my car when their owners do.

    Because I have good and properly raised friends, this rule has been followed to a T.

    Not that you will hopefully ever have to deal with that. But if Evil does sadly make it into your house, think about all the retaliatory things you can do to Evil with her own spit cup. (Nasty, because you’ll have to be exposed to it, but still …) You could even lay down the law that no dip is allowed in your house. Period. She has to go outside and stay outside, and she can’t spit on the concrete. Imagine how much she will suffer if you enforce THAT rule. Going without dip is worse than quitting cigarettes.

    • Betty Fokker says:

      If I tried to enforce that rule, my dad, who goes outside to smoke without qualm because you don’t want it around grandbabies, would wring his hands and she would “get even” with me for making her mad by hurting him. My Dad’s desperate attempts to get that Devil to love him are heartbreaking. It’s a dry well Dad! No Water there! ARGH

  17. Lola says:

    You know, I think it’s the human shield thing that parents do to themselves that hurts the worse. Watching your parents accept the abuse, like it’s the right of the abuser to hurt them because of ‘family’, is hard on those of us who have to watch helplessly on the sidelines. They’ll defend the abuser until their dying days.

    Good Luck on the visit.

  18. Sweet Babou says:

    All I know is I never expected to have to use the phrase “keep the baby out of grandma’s spit-cup” in my own home. I think there is a back alley somewhere that I would consider far enough away for that not to bother me…..like maybe Denver…..no offense to anyone living in Denver, I really wouldn’t wish that on you.

  19. Lola says:

    Is it just me, or does this have potential SITCOM written all over it? ;)

  20. Bethany says:

    Just reading this now. I’m hopeful that you’ll be one of those awesome people who can say “no, not in my house” and stick to your guns. Regardless of human shields.

  21. vibes01 says:

    yeh, i totally say “not in my house”….your a shit? you dont even get to step 1 mile near my house….you disrespect my rules, you will be told off…you repeat it, you will be chucked out…it doesnt matter if its my parents or friends….this is my place, you dont like it then fuck off to somewhere you do like

    the problem is when i visit other peoples…namely, my parents (well dads now, as finally my mum has left him and is now living in her own place for the first time ever :) )……thats when i have to hear the barrage of evilness from all and sundry that my family (and i) are related to………so my solution – spend as little time as possible in those areas….

    i hope you manage to sort things out….the thing is and with no disrespect to you betty as your lovely…but you gave birth to these children, your parents had their chance with you….but you now have changed priorities, so the parents are just going to have to sort their own shit out – you have far grander things to think about

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