A couple of days ago I read about an new posh trend: steaming your cooter.
Seriously? There are some women on this planet who are willing to plunk down $50 just to squat over a steaming pot? Who are these women? WTF is wrong with them that this seems like a good use for their money? Do they really think the monchichi is such a disgusting area that it must be give a ritualistic exorcism of stank? If they do think that steam on the naughty bits would make them feel “fresh”, why don’t they just squat over a little steaming bowl at home? Why spend money so a stranger can bring them a little open-crotch stool to set on while she places a little fragrant steamer under your Hooha?
Apparently this can be done for medicinal reasons in some countries, in an attempt to help with menstruation issues or infertility. Fair enough. But why are they doing it here? Will it make the labia look more refined? Will it give your snatch higher cheekbones? Will it make your clitoris look festive? Why, in the name of all that is Holy, would you pay money for this procedure?
Since I am in the area (har) let me go ahead and bitch about high colonics. (Click the link at your peril. For some reason they want to show you what is “eliminated” from the colon. Barf.) Regardless of what you feel about the medical benefits of this procedure, it is simply an enema. You can go to just about any pharmacy on the planet, get an enema kit and give yourself one of these so-called high colonics at home. But the word enema isn’t cool enough for movie stars. Nope. They rave about the “cleansing ritual” of a high colonic. I’ve got news for them; they are still full of shit.
With the hair trimming and waxing and vajazzling and anus bleaching and labiaplasty and steam cleaning and the colonics … why are ‘privates’ now such an area of scrutiny? The pubic had become public. I don’t mind a wider acceptance of nudity, but it bothers me it must be constructed as artifice. How is vaginal remodeling any better than the corset or foot binding that used to “correct” the female body into a more aesthetically pleasing form?
Sheesh.
A woman I work with has colonics every other week. She is *obsessed* with her weight. Yes, she’s gorgeous. But…to me, that’s just too much. Who can diet and still feel the need to cleanse of that much shit? Every time she has one, she’s sick and weak the rest of the afternoon.
Disgusting. All of it.
Oh, why am I not surprised there are spas in LA that do it? I’m now wondering about the hints from a friend that she bought me a gift certificate for a “special” spa treatment.
As for why these places do it — I think part of the thing for these spas is that a certain segment of their clients are always looking for the next “new” thing to show that they’re hip and in and early adopters. If they can do this by convincing women who are willing to spend ridiculous amounts of money to have spa treatments for no other reason than they want to be convinced they’re on to the latest cool thing, the spas will go for it.
Oh, Gawdess!
Oppression by another action. Let’s find another way to collude with the dominant view of “not being good enough.”
Every day, every single day, we are bombarded with image after message after image, telling us what to fix. Each message implies what’s wrong with us. I think it’s time we started disagreeing with the damn message.
I’m thinking for $50 a pop we should set up a tent in the back yard with a hotplate and a bowl of water and let people have at it.
This is another one of those examples where if I would have come up with this sort of idea for making money I would have immediately dismissed it as being too stupid for people to actually pay for….I’m continually amazed by my fellow man…or woman…human….movie star….whatever.
I’m with SB on this one–charge an extra $10 to float a potpourri tart in the pan for “refreshing aromatherapy spa upgrade.”
I think this is just silly. Utter silliness.
Plus, can’t frequent enemas cause colon perforation? Ewwww.
Someday, Fokker, I want to buy you a beer!
Speaking of poop, yesterday I was entering our office building when a guy carrying a package kind of zoomed in in front of me in the lobby, and got in the elevator. He held the door, for me, and when I got in I realized he was carrying two packages of toilet paper. I said, “That looks pretty urgent.” Without thinking he replied, “Well, duty calls!”
I laughed all the way to the top floor.
I…don’t even know what to say to this. Especially to the woman who got all, “You’re just laughing because you’re arrogant American know-it-alls.” Really? It’s interesting that they list vaginal stress-reduction as a benefit. I’m thinking that if your twazzle is so stressed as to need a spa treatment, there’s some other stuff that needs addressing in your life. Also, I’m trying to figure out what man would go in for a ball-steaming (which, incidentally, is really bad for healthy sperm production). Honestly.
Natalie Angier wrote a science book “Woman an Intimate Geography” (sorry for the quotes don’t know how to underline.) She wrote about how many women consider their vagina to be dirty, when that really isn’t the case. I’ve forgotten the details.
She writes science in a way that makes it easy to read, I would recommend checking the book out.
Totally idiotic and completely unsurprising. Let me guess: the alleged adults doing this have already had their hair stripped back to I’m-a-prepubescent-girl levels (ie. nothing below the eyebrows) anyway. Which makes me wonder how much “freshening” their labia could require that a common-or-garden-variety shower wouldn’t take care of. I mean, the only times I can think of when my bits are a bit blah for my liking is during the Red Menace, and squatting over a steam pot sure isn’t going to help “freshen” anything then!
I bet none of these “high colonic” ninnies could manage what the Duchess of Burgundy (Louis XIV’s granddaughter-in-law) allegedly used to do. She’d take an enema right before going to the theatre and hold it all through the play. She said it was refreshing and stopped her getting a headache. (This is reported in Saint-Simon’s memoirs; not sure how reliable it is.) Reminds me of the “everything old is new again” line. Colonic irrigation? Like you said, Fokker, it’s just an enema – and using them for all sorts of reasons has been around centuries, or more likely, millennia!
Wow. That’s all I can think of to say. Unbelievable.
If I wanted to steam my cooter I’d wear nylon panties in the summer. Seriously, if you’re bathing regularly and wiping appropriately, what more is a steaming going to accomplish?
And as far as the high colonics/enemas go, the colon is self cleaning. That’s it’s whole purpose in life. If the system is working properly, if you’re eliminating regularly, don’t mess with success. If you’re so plugged up that you need weekly intervention, it’s time to re-evaluate the diet and possibly see a doctor.
I’m with Skye… wow. And if I had a spare fifty burnig a hole in my pocket I’d do something way more worthwhile with it!
Julie
Isn’t getting that area too warm and moist what leads to yeast infections? And I agree — having to look at what comes out is the reason why I will NEVER get a “spa colonic.”
I wonder if there is a link between this sort of thing and Scientology? I mean, clean your colon and cooter, clean your mind. Wanna get one of those Scientologists on the street off your back? Tell him you’re “clear.” (It’s true: the goal is to become “clear.”)
Humans are so silly.
You guys should totally open a hoo-ha steaming spa in your backyard. That is absolutely ridiculous. Some people either have too much money or too little brains- or in this case, both.
Isn’t a high colonic different from an enema in that the high colonic is done with some speed/pressure? To get to the stuff at the top of the colon… Ew.
As for cooter steaming, I’ve eaten steamed cooters and … OH! Wait. Totally different thing.
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