Thank you for your support

I appreciate everyone who, here or on Facebook or on another site, gave me two thumbs up and a cheer. My sincerest gratitude to you all.

There were only two negative comments. One was over on Feministe. Although I disagree with Jill’s agreement with Wurtzel, I thought she made some germane points about whether or not all choices are feminist just because a woman made them. She is right, in that not all choices are feminist. Women have the agency to actively collude with the patriarchy, especially if they benefit from it. However, I still think Wurtzel is an asshat and wrong to assume becoming a wife and mother is axiomatically an anti-feminist choice, which I covered at length yesterday.

Moreover, Jill and other commenters brought up the vulnerability of SAHP. They are right. I am incredibly vulnerable. Society does not actually value my work, and I am screwed if Sweet Babou leaves me. My daughters and I would be plunged into poverty. My post-grad degrees aren’t exactly a great boon in terms of me being able to get a job earning even half of what my husband makes. The number of people who have a Ph.D degree and also need food stamps has skyrocketed.  Wages are bottoming out and workers are being treated like shit. The reality of how fragile my life it scares me to death. Nevertheless, even if I were in the workforce, the problems with wages and unemployment would still be there. It’s not as thought I walked away from some fantastical high paying job to be a stay at home mom. Most women haven’t done that. A lot of times it is less expensive to stay home, because childcare would cost more than you would get paid. That is something else that the elitist twatwaffle Wurtzel doesn’t understand.

Anyway, someone thought that a comment I made on Feministe was “slut shaming.” I was pointing out the fallacy of the patriarchal capitalist value system, and said,  “By that logic a porn star has way more sociocultural worth than someone who runs a no-kill animal shelter or who volunteers for the fire department.” I actually didn’t mean it as slut shaming. For one thing, I wasn’t assuming the porn star in question was a woman. I do believe male porn stars, in both hetero and homosexual videos, are a real thing in the universe. I was just looking for profession that makes relatively high wages and yet is not ascribe a great deal of social prestige or can be argued as a crucial linchpin for the socioeconomic infrastructure, and wanted to contrast it with one of the many valuable and important things people do for little money. Notwithstanding what I meant, I can see why she assumed I was slut shaming sex workers, so I’ll just let it slide.

The second negative comment was in the comments here on my blog, where someone going by the name Lisa said “If your husband is in the top 1% of the income bracket in the USA how did you get him to marry such a foul mouthed bitch? In the UK only footballers wives WAGS would come into that category and all they care about is shopping and shoes. None of them are feminists.”

I’m a foul mouthed bitch? Golly, I didn’t even use the word cuntmonkey.

As most of my readers know, Sweet Babou is not in the 1%, although we are in the top 20% and I am very grateful that we are able to have the middle-class life that all workers should be able to attain. Unlike some people who have made it to above-average income, we have not forgotten or lost empathy for those millions who are in poverty or struggling to keep just one paycheck out of it.

If Lisa is amazed by the fact I got married in spite of a being a potty-mouthed hell-beast (although I have seen just enough reality TV to think that there are plenty of foul mouthed bitches married to rich guys), she would be really shocked to know I am well into middle age and fat as a butterball to boot. Nor is my face all that pretty, either. I am the opposite of trophy wife material. I think Sweet Babou married me because he loved me, not my appearance. That, and the fact the man is batshit crazy.

So … is Lisa saying I should agree with Wurtzel because I am not good enough to be the wife of a well-off man? Honestly, I couldn’t quite figure out where she was trying to go with that. Does it make sense to someone else? I dislike enigmas of this kind. I like to give specifics when I tell someone to fuck off, and I don’t have them in this case.

The trolling isn’t that big a deal, but not being able to work out what the troll was trying to communicate is driving me bananas.

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About Betty Fokker

I'm a stay-at-home feminist mom.
This entry was posted in Feminism, I've been thinking too much. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Thank you for your support

  1. I saw her comment and was actually pretty sure she was talking about Wurtzel, but had things confused (because I understood it that Wurtzel isn’t married). But it did occur to me that it might be a slam against you–in which case, she also had things confused, because… well, the comment didn’t make any sense, frankly.

    I wouldn’t worry about it. You stated your opinion quite clearly, and all of the elements of Wurtzel’s original post that you didn’t address yesterday (the bit about not all choices being feminist choices just because they are made by women), you addressed here.

  2. Andie says:

    Add one more who thought she was referring to Wurtzel as well.

    “It’s not as thought I walked away from some fantastical high paying job to be a stay at home mom. Most women haven’t done that. ”

    This Here. The Wurtzel article, and Jill’s to an extent, rely on the assumption that SAHM’s had some crazy-awesome career to walk away from.

  3. Agree with alexaoffenhauer. Lisa also could just be a far right tea-party-type person. You know that they usually aren’t anything like logical. And when someone can argue with what they believe in a logical way that shows the fallacy of their positions – they strike back in the only way they can, hateful, personal attacks that don’t make sense.
    Her comment could be taken as a sign that you are doing a good job.
    Still, she’s a stupid bitch, for sure. (And stupid is a stronger curse word than bitch for me.)
    Spelling:(fragile my life it – it should be is) (not as thought – thought should be though) (for profession – should be for a profession) (ascribe – should be ascribed)
    Love you as always, my pope.

  4. I read and failed to understand Lisa’s comment. Thought at first she was talking about Wurtzel, then realized Wurtzel wasn’t married so assumed Lisa had poor reading skills and dismissed her as a pitiful, nonsensical creature who shouldn’t venture to comment on things she doesn’t understand. Now that I realize she’s talking about you, I merely think she is a fool and should take her hatery where it might be appreciated.

    On a personal note: I didn’t have any trouble finding someone to marry. Turned down two guys before the one I picked. And I have a mouth on me. I just find this Lisa creature unworthy of my better epithets.

  5. Robin S. says:

    Nope, Lisa’s comment made no sense. Just shook my head and moved on. You should, too. Sometimes it just isn’t worth the time to figure it out.

  6. inkgrrl says:

    Clearly you need to use the word cuntmonkey more often. Also, cuntybaws. And cockwaffle. I’d say cocksucker as well, but I believe that cocksucking is a beautiful thing when done well so I’d rather not take it in vain. On the third hand, it’s easy to say cocksucker while keeping your teeth clenched, so there is that… further study is needed.

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