Preheating the oven

As y’all probably know that, being the parents of small children, Sweet Babou and I have grab (notice I didn’t say snatch) time for our sex life whenever we can. The most seductive words in the English language might be, “Are all the kids asleep?” Moreover, we don’t have TIME to indulge in the protracted foreplay that once made me so blissful. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to (fetching euphemisms from the vault) have cooked and elaborate dinner, but when you pick up your fork to dig in you hear a small voice calling out, “Mommy! I had a bad dream!” Even if you make it back to the table, reheating the meal just doesn’t have the same satisfaction.

Thus, I have discovered the glory of erotica. I can read an erotic romance on my Kindle while the girls are still awake, and therefore (back to the vault for more stupid euphemisms) preheat the oven prior to baking the biscuits. That way, when the girls are in the land of nod, Sweet Babou and I can get right to the baking of biscuits. Usually the biscuits turn out great, and happiness reigns once more.

There is only one problem with my quest for erotica: some of it is poorly written dreck. I have very high standards for my erotica. I need needs to be well written by someone who is clearly adept at crafting a narrative, not merely passable or “not-bad”. If I run into something that hits my personal ‘squick’ factor, but the story itself is done in an eloquent manner, I’ll give that author a try again to see if she (it’s almost always she) has done something else I may like better. Furthermore, for me to really enjoy the erotica it needs to give me enough of a plot to easily suspend disbelief. There is nothing worse than trying to read some nice, entertaining, preheating smut and have to be jarred out of the tale by the thought, “There is no fokking way that dude could reach her naughty bits from that angle. He’d need three arms and 18 inches of penis.” Finally, I want my erotic to have a heavy element of romance. I need some love, or the potential for it, between the lovers.

Obviously, erotica authors I really like are thin on the ground. There is, of course, Judy Mays, whom I defended vociferously when she was ‘outed’ as an high school English teacher in the spring of 2011. Her plots look over the top, but the woman can write up a storm and her sex scenes fog up my Kindle. Other than that, there have been none I have liked so much that they have inspired me to become a fan. It should be noted that several I am “meh” about are very successful, so this is more a factor of my fastidious requirements than the quality of their work. I do not intend to slag on the majority of erotic writers.

Happily, I have found a new author (she must be really new since I have found only one title by her and she doesn’t have a website anywhere) that I really like. Her name is Tacie Graves and the short story was Making Mina. It managed to meet my trifecta of demands. It was well written, it had an actual plot that wasn’t silly, and the hero is clearly more than just ‘in lust’ with the heroine. My oven was preheated and Sweet Babou made multiple baked goods, if you get my drift.

In appreciation for the cookies I got last night, I thought I would give her a mention here. If you are inclined to read erotic romance and have 99 cents to spare, you might want to give her a read.

I’ll go back to ranting tomorrow (there is so MUCH of it to do) but I am in an oddly good mood today and wanted to post about something enjoyable instead. I figured y’all wouldn’t mind.

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