I’ve always liked the word toothsome. It mostly means “yummy”, but it can also mean “pleasing” in other contexts. I told Sweet Babou once that I found him toothsome. Sweet Babou, desperately casting about in his head for a big word to complement me with, told me I have “pendulous” breasts. When I got off the floor after I was done rolling on it with laughter, I asked him WTF he though “pendulous” meant. He thought it meant “big”. No, my Sweet Babou. No.
I then asked him what he thought toothsome meant. He told me he thought it meant he had a nice smile.
Anyway, things have been very toothy around here in the last week or so. I got a crown on my back/upper molar and it was the opposite of fun. The dentist was magnificent with the pain killer and all, so there was not so much as a twinge during the actual procedure, but I still didn’t enjoy it. For one thing, the bonding agent dentists use tastes like it is made of ground up gopher ass. For another thing, I don’t like my jaw wretched open so far. My dentist has big hands; if he wasn’t such a good dentist I would abandon him for a dentist with tiny little hands that would fit in my freaking mouth. Then there is the indignity of the spit sucker. I hate the feeling of the spit sucker. I often miss those tiny toilet bowls we used to swish-and-spit into.
Yesterday, I went back to the dentist, convicted something was hella wrong with my crown. Nope. It was fine. The only problem was that a “ridge of cement” had formed on it which made it FEEL like there was a ginormous gap between my crown and my gum. He scraped the ridge off with that little pirate’s hook they use, and smeared some more ground up gopher ass solution on it, and it was good to go.
Nevertheless, my tongue will NOT leave it alone. It knows there is a strange, smooth object in my pie-hole and it keeps flicking at it whenever I am not actively preventing such an occurrence. It’s driving me a little batshit, if I’m honest. Hopefully my tongue will come to terms with the crown soon. You know, before I turn to heroine to calm my nerves.
Lilo also had a toothy issue. She lost the top right front baby tooth. That’s tooth #3 and I am saving them because I am a twisted and sentimental dipshit. The tooth fairy brought her the now-traditional ‘gold’ Sacagawea dollar. This is always followed by information on Sacagawea, especially how she saved her baby’s life from a flood and endured incredible hardship at the hands of her husband/master. Sacagawea was so esteemed by Lewis and Clark that they gave her a horse to ride, and made her shitastic asshat of an owner/rapist/’husband’ walk. Clark later adopted her son after she died, and made sure the boy had an education and a head start in life.
I like it when my girls know about awesome women. It lets them know that they can be awesome, too.
So now everyone is up to date with the Fokker Family dental issues.