Lilo lost the other top central incisor, requiring another visit from the Tooth Fairy:
Frankly, if the Tooth Fairy actually looked like The Rock, I would sleep with Lilo’s tooth under MY pillow, and lay awake hoping to cop a cheap feel. That man is Hottie McHot, Mayor of Hottieville.
Lilo got another Sacagawea dollar, and was pleased. Of course, she also asked me if she got enough Sacagawea dollars, would she become Sacagawea. Um, no. It doesn’t work that way. Which is good because otherwise Mommy would have turned into a parking ticket while in college.
The only other exciting news is that Stitch is trying to break my heart. About two weeks ago, she started having separation anxiety. She has never shown any sign of this before, not even as a toddler. Now she is giving me the pitiful-sad look over her shoulder when I abandon her cruelly at YMCA camp, where she will have friends, swimming , dance, games, and crafts. Every day, I mean every single day, when I pick her up she tells me she had fun. The counselors all tell me her sadness is over within 2 minutes of my leaving. Yet when she gives me The Look – with her big blue eyes gazing at me with dismay and the clear accusation that I don’t love her any more — it makes me feel like one of those monsters who abandons puppies on the side of the road. Seriously, she looks like she is being dropped off at an orphanage during the beginning of a Disney film.
One day she actually started crying and screamed, “Mommy! Don’t leave me!” I cracked like cheap balsa wood and brought her back home with me — where she complained about being bored. The rest of the time she has just given me The Look, which has been sufficient to make me question my parenting skills and wonder if I am an EVIL MOMMY for sending her to camp. Yet if she stays home she is discontent and asks to watch too much TV.
Parenthood is often a no win scenario.
I have a friend whose 5 year old is also going through separation anxiety, since it often hits again at this age. Her son can’t give her a reason WHY he doesn’t want her to leave for work, he just knows he would prefer she never leave his side. The same thing is going on with Stitch. I have asked, repeatedly, if there is anything that is bothering her, if someone hurt her at camp, if a someone hurt her feeling at camp, if her friends are being mean to her in any way, ect … and she says no to all of it. The worst thing she could come up with is a little girl name Sophie once painted on HER art, but that happened after the drama had already started. Stitch has anxiety disorder, but she is not showing signs of a full panic (except once) or faking illness to avoid camp, or complaining of pains, or any of the signs of a severe separation disorder … she just says she will MISS me.
Anyone else have a five year old who went through this?
Yes. Both boy child and girl child did this to me. I had to harden my heart and stomp on the guilty feelings reminding myself that I was a better mother for giving them an enriching experience that they were enjoying and that I was DEFINITELY a better mother when I got a little me time and wasn’t so stressed. They both appear to have survived intact. I’ll let you know when they start asking for therapy.
Being a good mom is the hardest job in the world!
I never left home until I was 18. The closest I came to your daily day camps was summer school from the time I was 8 until I was 12 (fun classes). I think that getting kids away from their total dependence upon their parents and into other environments for things to do is the best thing you can do. It’s way better than having separation anxiety at 18.
Yes, youngest son was distraught whenever I dropped him off for playschool (pre-kindergarten up here). He loved it when his older brother went. He would cry because he couldn’t stay. Now he was crying because he could stay and wanted to be with me.
When we lived in Peru, I sent him to a nido; a pre-school while his brother was in kindergarten, same building, different room. He was so distraught, after a week, I took him out. The little three and half year old couldn’t speak English and he had only a few Spanish words. I took him out and he spent all morning with his mommy (who had major guilt issues) and he was fine. We came back home. It took a month of him crying and clinging before our neighbour picked him up and took him to Small World with her son, his best buddy. All was fine.
I still have twinges of “I was a very bad mother. I took my son to a school where the children spoke no English and he must have abandonment issues for the rest of his life!” Actually he is more than fine. He is a wonderful young man, loving and kind and full of compassion. He would give his shirt off his back if needed. See, he turned out fine. It’s Mommy who has regrets for being selfish, wanting a few hours to myself in the morning. But, it’s life, You do the best you can and guess what, they turn out just fine.
Boy Child had issues all around as a tot. Something as small as them moving his preschool class down one room (same kids, same teacher) could cause mayhem (he wouldn’t go through the door). During summer camp he would attach to his sister and not want to leave her. She finally came up with awards (made herself) that she would give him if he didn’t cry when they separated at camp. The camp counselors also helped by limiting contact time between them once they realized what we trying to do. (The camp was held at a local 10 acre park that is mostly open and play areas are shared by all age groups.) At elementary school the problem lessened because between PTA and volunteering at the school (where I went, so too, my son), my son already knew the school and alot of the teachers and office staff and was okay with starting kindergarten (which is why I refused to leave him behind, to get him used to the school). I’m happy to say he turned out just fine and can now ‘roll with the punches’ so to speak. You just have to keep being there for them but also keep putting them out there into the world so they can learn and grow. ‘Cause they won’t if they keep hanging on to you.
I was one of those kids with separation anxiety. It hit around 2nd grade and lasted for a while. I wish I could tell you a fix for it, but I’m honestly not sure what my mom ended up doing. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking my hysterics were for her, and you have all my sympathies. She did stand her ground and worked with the principal of my elementary school to do a handoff in the mornings.
Oh, and “Which is good because otherwise Mommy would have turned into a parking ticket while in college” is the best thing I’ve read this morning. I choked on my coffee and scared the cats with my laughter.
oof – hard stuff.
My first was a breeze – aside from one very intense morning that I will never forget, she let go of me routinely and was pleased to see me at the end of the day. She’s headed off to college this fall, and I’m more wigged than she is.
My second was perpetually… dubious? she didn’t want to leave home for camp, or for school, she didn’t want to let go of me once we were there, and if I relented and brought her home again she’d be underfoot until her big sister came home again. So I tried to balance things she chose (it was really important that she choose them, even at 5) with a willingness to look at her eyes on Wednesday or Thursday and offer her a day home if she was looking stressed. And we’d just hang out that day. Maybe some library, maybe some videos, some reading aloud – I REALLY had to lean into it, to take pleasure in her time with me, and not be frantic to get her back to her thing and out of my way. She’d go back more willingly the day after. I’d get some time I was hoping for, and she’d get more at home.
In retrospect part of it was noise issues – she is really sensitive to noise and quickly gets headaches from too much. The other part was a comment she made to me after Kindergarden one day. Alice said they’d been wasting time getting ready for something, and said “I can waste my own time, thank you.” Which of course cracked me up. She’s 14 now, she still prefers to hang out at home. She reads, makes things with fimo (lately a herd of extinct ice age mammals), watches Mythbusters and Nova on the computer and folds origami things that have to be seen to be believed.
But then, all my parenting advice boils down to “lean into them” because until mine got what they needed, nothing else much happened.
Would it be possible for you to “spy”, on her about half an hour after she is there?
That might reassure you that she is fine and maybe she thinks you expect her to choose your company over being there.
Just a thought since a friend’s son would cling to him, but played happily once his dad was out of sight.