I started yoga today. Now I have trembling thighs from all the stretching. It makes me feel 1) good that I exercised and 2) weird that my shaky legs are making stumble like I’m drunk. Seriously, I tripped twice over my own feet the first few minutes after class, that’s how wobbly my thigh muscles were.
Why yoga, I pretend you ask?
Because yoga can be an intense form of physical movement (who knew?) but doesn’t bounce you around too much. It has taken almost 18 months for my IT band to heal up, so I am watching it carefully. Yoga stretches out the IT band (which is now a wee bit sore again), and I think I’ll be in good enough shape to start kickboxing and whatnot after Christmas in addition to the yoga. I am determined to get my back into my physical fitness routine, so I can sneer at people who are judging me because of my fat.
Frankly, I am always looking for an excuse to sneer at people who embrace cultural constructions without researching facts. It’s my dark side.
I used to do yoga for years, until Lilo arrived and my life became all high-needs baby, all the time. So it’s been about 7 years since I’ve done it regularly. I had forgotten that I have all the flexibility of a plank of wood. My “down dog” looks like “frozen stegosaurus”. It ain’t pretty, y’all.
I had also forgotten how much I can hurt the back of my pelvis when I am lying on a hard floor. Yoga mats have all the cushioning power of three squares of toilet tissue, so I need to put a folded blanket under my ass as well. Moreover, I need to use the yoga straps to do the thingy where instructors tell you to “push your heel up toward the ceiling and really feel the release of tension behind the knees” but should really be phrased as “aim your gnarly heel that desperately needs someone to take a pumice stone to it at the ceiling, but only get it as high as the middle of the wall, and then grab your yoga pants to hold it there because you cannot reach your knees to help the hold the pose due to the fact you have arms that the same length as a Tyrannosaurus rex’s forelimbs”.
A video of me doing yoga, in all my beefy and rigid glory, could probably go viral on You-tube. If I catch anyone in that room with a cell phone out I’ll smack them and steal their memory card, just in case.
I have class again on Thursday morning. I am hoping that my thighs will quit quivering like a soft boiled egg yolk by then. If not, I’m going to need some stronger straps.