When my youngest brother was a kid he was sporadically demonic. He was the sweetest kid on earth about 90% of the time, but the other 10% was devoted to irrational and hopeless defiance. Once, when he was in first grade, he turned around backward in the lunch line, just to be silly. The principal, walking by, told him to turn forward. Instead of just TURNING AROUND my baby brother got a mulish look upon his angelic countenance and remained backwards. When told to turn around again, he maintained his ridiculous and futile determination to stay facing backwards … and he kept it up until it escalated to the point where he was carried, kicking and screaming, out of the lunchroom by the principal and another teacher. He was thrashing and hollering so loudly that it took two adults to transport him. All of this was because he decided NOT to face forward until HE was ready. Mom had to go get him from school, much to her embarrassment and chagrin. When she asked him WHY, in the name of all that is holy, he made such a fuss over NOTHING his only response was, “I just don’t like being told what to do.”
He still doesn’t have a great relationship with the concept of authority, although he uses charm to get his own way now … because it is more effective that stubborn truculence.
Unfortunately for me, Stitch appears to be the heir to his heedless rebel throne. Yesterday was particularly bad. She was just in a “mood”, and fought everything. She was so difficult it took both Sweet Babou and myself to tag team parent just to keep from going around the bend and paddling her. As it was, she did get a swat on the bottom once. She was so defiant that I didn’t even get to blog, because there was a new drama every five minutes that required all hands on deck.
What makes it worse is the fact she is so wonderfully sweet-natured the rest of the time. The days or episodes where she challenges everything and fights like a cat getting a bath are so different from her normal behavior that they stand out in even more unpleasant contrast.
Sweet Babou and I are trying a new system. She will get an X on her “behavior card” every time she is abhorrently disobliging. If she gets three X’s during the week, then on Saturday she won’t be allowed to have family movie night with popcorn … instead she will go to bed early. It seems to be working thus far, in that she is now in mortal dread of getting an X and is responding with alacrity when we threaten to break out the pen.
Wish us luck with the new scheme, because we are at our wit’s end.
I read this and I think it is so, so, so much easier to parent when I’m sitting peacefully on my sofa reading blogs without interruptions since everyone is at school. Okay, my thoughts: positive reinforcement works better than negative, so maybe you could have happy faces on the days that she has been good and then a reward for an entire week of happy faces. Also, see if you can find a way for her to channel her inner demon in a more appropriate way. Artwork? Scribbling? Smashing clay? Running around the block? Having a punching bag? Having a safe place where she can go and pitch a fit and scream and yell without consequences? I don’t know how old she is, but by the time my kids were in first or second grade they were able to discuss their emotions and help with the problem-solving of what to do with them when they got out of hand. That is hard for many kids, but still worth a try. It would possibly get her to think a bit about why she was acting out which could help lead her to how to not let it happen. I can remember having to give both my daughter and me a time out in our respective rooms when emotions ran too high and frustration was breaking out all over. Good luck. Soon enough you’ll be dealing with teen-age snark and the hormonal roller coaster which is oh so much fun.
Second Karen’s post. But will add that positive reinforcement doesn’t work for everyone. Some people, kids, animals just don’t give a damn and only having consequences works for them.
And could it be possible that she is working too hard at being good whether she realizes it or not? She would need these explosive days to balance the books.
Like Karen, because we’re a sensitive, emotional bunch, I would sit down with my kids (after the fuss) and discuss with them what had happened starting when they were little. I never gave up my position as the adult, rules were rules, but it did help them and me realize our triggers and helped us head off potential messes. It also made communicating during the teen years easier because we’d had practice. Which is probably why we all survived. Two strong-willed kids with a bull-headed Taurus mother has made life a bit of a challenge sometimes.
“Two strong-willed kids with a bull-headed Taurus mother has made life a bit of a challenge sometimes.” That IS my family you’re talking about!! Too funny! My girl is up sulking in her room because I won’t let her get tickets to a concert on a school night. She thinks it’s “because you don’t like music, Mom.” Um, no, it would be because I think school and getting sleep are more important than a concert. Silly me.
LOL! I’ve had that conversation more than once or twice!
I’m going to agree with you. Sometimes consenquences are the only thing a person gets, child or adult. I’m pretty sure you woud have tried all the positive reinforcement stuff already. It only gets you so far, in my experience. After that they need to have a punishment that befits the crime.
Good system. May I Teacher on you for a minute?
Make her do it. As in, she gets a sticky note with her name on it placed on the frig or wherever. If she is disobliging, she makes a mark on it. When she gets to five marks (or however many), she has to put the x on her chart herself.
I do this with kids to make them aware and mindful of their behaviors that contribute to getting consequences instead of “cupcake time”. Just a suggestion. She sounds like a fabulous kid with a bullheaded streak and I’d rather have a kid like that than a timid vanilla one, personally. As a teacher, I like a kiddo with some personality myself.
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