Some of you have doubtlessly already read about the heartbreaking case of Amanda Todd. This poor child, who was only 15 years old, committed suicide after being incessantly bullied about her illegally taken and distributed topless photographs:
“In 7th grade,” she begins, sharing her message on cue cards, “I would go with friends on webcam [to] meet and talk to new people.” At one point, a stranger flattered her into flashing the camera. One year later, a man contacted her on Facebook, threatening to send around the picture of her topless “if [she] don’t put on a show.” Terrifyingly, the stranger knew everything about her: her address, school, friends, relatives, and the names of her family members. Soon, her naked photo had been forwarded “to everyone.”
The serial predators who specialize in getting nude shots of underage girls (SEVENTH GRADE FOR GOD’S SAKE) are called “cappers”. The modus operandi of a ‘capper’ is to convince:
“underage girls via video chat to take off their clothes, all the while recording the action to later distribute far and wide or even to use as a bribe to get future “shows” out of them … They screen-capture live webcam chats — which can involve anywhere from two to several hundred people — while pressuring girls and young women to strip down. It starts with “show your stomach!” and quickly progresses from there like an online game of Truth or Dare. Sometimes all they get is a quick bra flash; other times they get a full-on “bate” (when a girl masturbates on camera). In the capper community, the latter would be called a “win.”
The internet group known as Anonymous has been trying to out the capper who did this shit to Amanda Todd, but it is still unclear if they nabbed the right bastard.
As inhumanly vile as cappers are, their power is given to them by the larger culture. Amanda Todd was “slut-shamed” to death, because of her nude photograph. That’s how cappers can blackmail their prey; the girls know they will be blamed as sluts rather than sympathized with as victims. Our patriarchal culture does everything it can to pressure women into staying in the their “proper” place, and slut shaming is one of the most powerful tools it uses to make women afraid of doing something “wrong”, like speaking out or having any kind of sexuality – even when that sexuality is actually symptomatic of victimization. Once again proving that patriarchy and men are different concepts, women and girls are often the strongest enforcers of social policing such as slut shaming.
Amanda Todd killed herself because she just could not bear to be called a slut and punished for her victimization one more day. Even now this CHILD is being posthumously slut shamed and blamed for her own hell. How is this different from an “honor killing” in the Middle East? Worst of all, Amanda Todd is hardly alone, or even the youngest victim to commit suicide.
I was slut shamed in 8th grade. A girl and I were both interested in the same boy, and she told everyone I was willing to “go all the way” with him. Since she was prettier and more popular, she not only got the guy she got me labeled a slut. I was still a slut when I graduated high school … which is doubly ironic considering I was a virgin. No one knew who I was having sex with, but by God they knew I was a slut doing it with someone. I was okay though. I had close friends and a boyfriend and many who argued against my “slut” label. But still, I know a little about how much that awful slut shaming bullshit can hurt.
You know what really terrifies me? My beautiful daughter Lilo has Asperger’s and she is a perfect target for a predator. People with Aspies are easily coerced and bullied into things. If she is victimized, she would also be slut shamed by asshats. I would lose my ever living mind. Seriously. I would snap and it would not be pretty.
*rage*
And, again, I get livid about people being able to do what they want with your picture.
So true. This girl could have gotten help so much sooner if we lived in a society where, when this asshat threatened to show this picture, she could have said ‘So fucking what? I’ll have you charged with child pornography/blackmail/whathaveyou’ and known that someone would have actually helped her instead of shaming her for making a dumb mistake because she was young and easily influenced and probably curious about sex.
She flashed someone she trusted a boob. Big effin’ deal.
Unfortunately, to many people DO think it’s a big effin’ deal and engrain that ‘OMG DON’T BE A DIRTY DIRTY SLUT’ mentality into their own children.
People make mistakes. They shouldn’t have to live in shame and die an early death because of it.
yeah. what she said!
Also, I know and detest the slut shaming too well and it is SO often women who commit this fallacy, tearing down the reputation of another girl to feel superior from teh patriarchal pat on the head they get.
Yeah, this is a hard one. She was more or less local to me, so this one is extra hard. And my daughter is only slightly older, and is an aspie who likes to “video blog”. (You wanna watch her YouTube channel for me and tell me if she crosses the line? I need a volunteer since I had to promise not to do it myself. She’s almost 18…)
@Luna… I’m happy to look at it if you’re still looking for someone.
These are the things that make me want to take my gchildren and move to a remote cabin in the wilderness with no access to other people until they’re 30.
Yes, thank you!! I keep seeing all these parents who want to blame her (wonder where the kids get it from?)
I just hope we’re learning something from it. . . I have no idea how to stop this.