The Separation of Church and Sluts

Wow. I thought the SCOTUS agreeing that my IUD made me (regardless of science) a baby-killer was insulting enough. I also thought it was enough of a blow to women’s rights to their own bodies. Boy, was I wrong!

It turns out that “what much of the country may not realize is that the same conservative justices quietly returned to their decision – twice.

The first “clarification” came a day after the ruling – which was intended to bring clarity to the law – when the legal community was left wondering about the applicability of the Hobby Lobby decision. The chain store’s lawsuit did not target all birth control, just the forms of contraception the corporation’s owners found morally objectionable. Did the court’s ruling apply to the contraception methods included in the litigation or everything, including regular ol’ birth control pills?

On Tuesday, the Court said the ruling covered all 20 forms of contraception protected through the Affordable Care Act, despite the fact that Hobby Lobby’s lawsuit only covered 4 of the 20. By what rationale did the conservative majority reach this expansive conclusion? I believe it’s called the “because we said so” rule of American jurisprudence.

For proponents of reproductive rights and the separation of church and state, Tuesday’s “clarification” simply added insult to injury. But on late Thursday, the Supreme Court returned to the same issue again, this time granting an emergency request from an evangelical school in Illinois called Wheaton College …  

Wheaton College is effectively raising a religious objection to paperwork. The school starts with the premise that the birth control methods they don’t like are literally abortion – all scientific evidence to the contrary notwithstanding – and from there, Wheaton also says it, as a religiously affiliated non-profit, wants to exclude contraception from its coverage plan.

Fine, the Obama administration responds, just fill out some forms, letting insurers know about the moral objection.

No, Wheaton responded, filling out the forms about the moral objection is itself morally objectionable. Indeed, the school’s administrators and lawyers went so far as to suggest filling out paperwork raising moral objections to birth control – which, again, is abortion in their eyes – is practically the same thing as endorsing the moral wrong itself. The college filed a federal case and on Thursday, the Supreme Court granted emergency relief – an extremely rare event – ensuring Wheaton won’t have to do the paperwork, despite what the same court justices said on Monday.”

On behalf of all the sluts in the country who thought that birth control use – in many cases so we could have sex with our husbands just for funsies – was okay, thanks for letting us know that birth control pills are exactly the same thing as an abortion! Whew. We certainly needed a reminder that our boss has first say about our sex lives!  We’ll keep our legs shut now. Thanks.

Oh wait! It looks like skanks like me can continue to get freaky with our husbands!

The Obama administration has pulled an end run around the SCOTUS and when businesses are too moral to let us have birth control then “the insurance companies will have to reach out directly to employees and offer contraception coverage for free, without going through the employer. Insurance companies are down with the plan, because as Matt Yglesias explained at Moneybox, contraception actually saves insurance companies money, since it’s cheaper than abortion and far cheaper than childbirth. Because the insurance companies have to reach out to employees directly, there’s very little danger of women not getting coverage because they are unaware they’re eligible.”

I guess the SCOTUS will have to find another way to make women not have sex. Burkas and chastity belts mandated by employers, perhaps?

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, Feminism, health, maximum sarcasm, poli-ticks, Sexy Sex, shit I think y'all should know, slut shaming | 4 Comments

Brandon Smith is an asshat

The majority whip of the Kentucky legislature, a Republican by the name of Brandon Smith, recently opened his yakhole and claimed that it is the same temperature on Earth as it is on Mars.

He actually said, in a snide mansplaining voice no less, that:

“As you (Energy & Environment Cabinet official) sit there in your chair with your data, we sit up here in ours with our data and our constituents and stuff behind us. I don’t want to get into the debate about climate change, but I will simply point out that I think in academia we all agree that the temperature on Mars is exactly as it is here. Nobody will dispute that. Yet there are no coal mines on Mars. There are no factories on Mars that I’m aware of.”

I shit thee not.

First, let me just point out the little factoid that the average temp on Mars is −55 °C (218 K; −67 °F). That’s colder than North Dakota, that’s how cold that is. The average temperature of Earth according to NASA figures is 15°C  or 16 C (59F-61F). Someone explain to Brandon Smith that the negative sign MEANS something when dealing with numbers.

You may need to start by explaining about negative numbers, or the numbers he cannot count on his toes.

Secondly, Brandon Smith has a Bachelor of Arts in political science (which isn’t a sciency kind of science or he would have a Bachelor of Science) from my alma mater, the University of Kentucky. He got that BA in 1991 (We were at college together! Neato!) and as far as my research can tell has not set his lily-white tail in an university every since. What is the “we” he speaks of in “academia”? 

Sure, he clearly has a PhD in asshat from the University of Twatwaffle (motto: Nos Potest Convenire Rectums Caput [we can fit our heads up our own rectums]; team slogan:The Fighting Smelly Taints; mascot; Mitch McConnell) but that doesn’t make him a real academic.

Brandon Smith is, like me, from Eastern Kentucky. However, he is what my fellow hillbillies would call a “dipshit” and thus not someone you would trust to scratch his own ass.

Please, Brandon Smith, for the sake of the very tiny remains of Kentucky’s good name, never EVER try to talk about science again.

Need it be said that this Teabagging Yahoo is the owner of Mohawk Energy, LCC? The interesting thing about this money laundering operation … er, I meant company of course, is that it has a physical address in Lexington, KY but does not have a phone number or website

Hmmm … Mohawk Energy “is a Kentucky Klc – Kentucky Limited-Liability Company filed on December 22, 2005. The company’s filing status is listed as A – Active and its File Number is 0628225.
The Registered Agent on file for this company is Richard P. Johnson and is located at 535 Wellington Way Suite 380 Lexington, KY 40503. The company’s principal address is 535 Wellington Way Suite 380 Lexington, KY 40503.The company has 1 principal on record. The principal is Brandon Smith.”

I think he is much a CEO as he is an academic.

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, poli-ticks, shit I think y'all should know | 3 Comments

This scares me

I recently read an article in The Atlantic, “The Rise of the DIY Abortion in Texas: a pill that revolutionized reproductive rights in Latin America is now gaining ground on the black market in South Texas.” It was about an over the counter drug sold in Latin America called misoprostol that can induce first trimester abortions around 80-85% of the time.

“Ironically, misoprostol was never developed to induce abortions: Instead, it was created and marketed as an ulcer medication called Cytotec. The drug, a synthetic prostaglandin E1 analog, has many medical uses: It’s taken to prevent and treat ulcers, induce labor, induce abortions, and treat post-partum hemorrhage. In 1986, misoprostol was approved for sale in Brazilian pharmacies as an ulcer medication and was distributed over-the-counter. But its use as an abortion-inducing drug spread rapidly, and slipped below the radar at first. Like many drugs, misoprostol’s label had a simple warning: Do not take if pregnant.”

Authorities have begun to crack down on the sale of misoprostol. They found out that women were using misoprostol as DIY abortions in areas where abortions were outlawed. What terrifies me is HOW they found out.

“Latin American doctors from Peru to Brazil started noticing a trend: They were seeing, it seemed, a dramatic decrease in abortion-related complications. Fewer women were carted through hospital doors with gruesome infections from back-alley botched abortions, and ob-gyns saw a reduction in the grisly abortion complications that had so frequently plagued providers, including perforated uteruses, heavy bleeding, and fallen intestines … The only explanation “was the mass distribution of miso at the community level,” concluded a Colombian ob-gyn in the Ipas study. In the same report, other doctors note that the discovery and circulation all took place outside hospital walls. Word of misoprostol spread at the grassroots level, working its way up from Brazil and snaking from one Latin American country to another.”

The response to the knowledge that women – women who were determined to end a pregnancy regardless of risk – were no longer dying form butcher terminations? Bear in mind that according to the World Health Organization21.6 million women experience an unsafe abortion worldwide each year; 18.5 million of these occur in developing countries and 47 000 women die from complications of unsafe abortion each year and deaths due to unsafe abortion remain close to 13% of all maternal deaths”. Moreover, Latin America is a serious hotspot for these kind of deaths. So their solution to something that was saving the lives of thousands of women who were going to terminate the pregnancy anyway?

To try to prevent the sale of misoprostol, and thus dooming thousands of women to suffer and/or die because they needed an abortion.

It is the “let the bitches go down with the ship that’ll teach ‘em” mentality that I find hellishly incompatible with the term “pro-life”. Especially since most women who have abortions already have at least one child, so a fair percentage of those maternal deaths will leave small children bereft of a mother.  There are 50 MILLION “street-children” desperately clinging to survival in Latin America because they have lost one or both parents. How is adding to that number helpful in any way?

I am sure some anti-choice activists are sincerely trying to “save babies”. In “2010, 765,651 legal induced abortions were reported to CDC from 49 reporting areas” in the USA. That number has decreased every year in response to better sex education. Readily available contraception is the #1 cause of fewer abortions, but I don’t see any “pro-life” groups funding IUDs and condom distribution. Is reducing the number of abortions really the end goal then?

Or is it to force women to have babies if the sluts don’t keep their legs closed?

Posted in Feminism, shit I think y'all should know, slut shaming | 3 Comments

My 4th of July Gift to You, Part III

Welcome to the third annual weird animal penis 4th of July post!

In 2011 I brought you the stridulating penis of the water boatman. In 2012 I offered up the four-pronged echidna penis. In 2013, *I* was the dick and forgot to post.  This year I gift you all with knowledge of the detachable penis of the paper nautilus.

Whenever a male paper nautilus figures out there is a hottsie-tottsie female paper nautilus in the vicinity his junk breaks free of his body and swims over to implant itself in her lady parts. In my opinion, that is one of the world’s weirdest booty calls.

paper nautilus penis

The penis stays in the female once it gets there, hanging out of her Hooha and depositing sperm, while she goes about her business. When biologists first saw the Mighty Wang in action, they thought the poor female was being plagued by a parasitic worm, not unlike  Britney Spears when she was married to Kevin Federline.

What if human males were blessed like the paper nautilus?

If I remember teenaged human males from high school correctly, they would have been more than happy to leave their detachable penis in a girl, asking her to give it back only for bathroom breaks and/or if they found another chick who was willing to carry it around in an excitingly new and different cooter.

The detachable penis would definitely liven up the bar scene when the boys became men. Think about it. A guy could send over a drink and his penis when wooing a pretty woman. Before she went home, a woman could look at the penises she had collected and select the one she liked best (AKA: the biggest) and take it home with her. The walk of shame would be a thing of the past; she could just mail it back to him.

Smart males would invest in condoms embossed with their names and addresses and perhaps return postage, so that their schlongs could be returned promptly.

Then again, the woman might just hang on to the penis until the guy called her and asked her to meet him for dinner. Sadly, this would create some confusion between dating and blackmail.

There would be other downsides, of course. After parties, there would be a scramble to find one’s own penis. Orgies would become even more of a logistical nightmare.

In 1992 a band called King Missile released the song “Detachable Penis”, which detailed how a removable dick would make men’s live fraught with tension.

Women would probably wouldn’t like men having snap-off wedding tackle either. Among other hassles, women would have to check for stray penises when they were finding a seat in a darkened theater. You just know some asshat would think it was great to leave his meat and two veg on subways and park benches. Purse snatching would actually mean you came home and found out some dude had slipped a penis into your handbag when you weren’t looking.

It’s probably for the best that men’s wieners have to stay in place.

PS — I want to give a big shout out to my friend and fellow author, Kate George, who is trying to do everything she can for her sons and is raffling a quilt to try to raise money for a very good cause  — It is a pretty quilt. Go pitch in so that it might be yours!


Posted in I like this, dammit., I've been thinking too much, Sexy Sex, Too Much Information | 2 Comments

The Most Beautiful Aryan Baby of 1935 was Jewish

Oh, I do so love it when asshats have egg on their face. Even if the egg lands posthumously, I still dig it. That’s why I am thrilled to my toes to know that the “Most Beautiful Aryan Baby” winner – the child used on Nazi magazines, propaganda, and postcards – was Jewish as Jewish can be

“Hessy Taft presented the Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial in Israel with copies of the Nazi family magazine Sonne ins Hause that featured an image of her as an infant on the cover. The image was allegedly selected by Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels himself, after it had been submitted by a well-known Berlin photographer, Hans Ballin.Taft said that her parents, Jacob and Pauline Levinsons, had ordered the portrait in 1935 … Her mother was terrified when she discovered her daughter’s face on the cover of the Nazi family magazine. When she approached Ballin, the photographer told her that he knew the family was Jewish, and that he had submitted the photograph because of that fact. “I wanted to make the Nazis ridiculous,” the photographer told Taft’s mother.”

I could just roll over and wallow in the delicious irony.

In other news, my short romance/erotica story Courted is FREE as the proverbial bird on Amazon today. Pretty please download it? Thank you!!

Posted in I like this, dammit., irony set on "stun", racism | 4 Comments

Hobby Lobby Hypocrisy

As you all have doubtless heard, the SCOTUS recently found in favor of Hobby Lobby in Sebelius v/s Hobby Lobby. In a nutshell, Hobby Lobby can now offer health insurances that does not cover women’s contraceptives.

Some people think this is about abortion.  Hobby Lobby founder and CEO David Green wrote in an open letter in 2013 smugly declaring that, “Being Christians, we don’t pay for drugs that might cause abortions, which means that we don’t cover emergency contraception, the morning-after pill or the week-after pill … We believe doing so might end a life after the moment of conception, something that is contrary to our most important beliefs.”

That’s bullshit.

For one thing, Plan B and/or an IUD are NOT things that cause abortions. They MAY sometimes prevent the implantation of the fertilized egg into the uterine wall, but so can birth control pills. Been on the pill? Then STFU about the “evils” of Plan B and IUDs because you are every bit as “guilty” of “killing babies”.

Hobby Lobby facts

The real issue here is that “A provision in the Affordable Care Act requires corporations to offer insurance plans that meet minimum coverage standards if those corporations take advantage of tax benefits for compensating employees in health insurance, rather than wages. But the owners of Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood Specialties Store, a Pennsylvania wood manufacturer, challenged this provision, arguing that it violated their religious freedom.”

Hobby Lobby could have chosen to deny all employees health insurance and allowed them to get private insurance via Obamacare. However, Hobby Lobby wanted the tax break for offering health insurance while NOT following the rules of the tax break. Entitled much?

Aside from the fact that it isn’t about abortion, it’s also piss poor interpretation of the Constitution. Ruth Bader Ginsburg nails it in her dissent, but lets sum it up in a way that should strike fear in the heart of every American who is even vaguely interested in freedom.

Other people can now make medical choices for you based on their religious values.

What else ‘counts’ under this ruling?

Hobby Lobby snark

If this had been an Islamic-owned company demanding the same thing the Far Right would have shit themselves to death. They would have flipped inside out as their intestines emptied. What if an Islamic boss “sincerely believes” that it violates HIS religion if his non-Islamic female staff don’t cover their hair? This ruling means he could order them to cover their heads because of his sincere convictions. Boy, won’t the Far Right Twatwaffles love that if that happens!

Then there is the hypocrisy of it all. Y’all know how I feel about hypocrisy.

  • Hobby Lobby still offers, with nary a peep, health insurance that covers vasectomies and Viagra and penis pumps.
  • David Green, intrepid CEO of Hobby Lobby, has only three children. Hmmmm … better make sure your wife didn’t take birth control pills (AKA slut tabs) or you were aiding and abetting abortions.
  • David Green, intrepid CEO of Hobby Lobby, is worth $5.1 BILLION. Jesus was all about giving to the poor and harped on the fact Mammon sucks. In Matthew 19:24 Jesus warned that “Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” In Matthew 19:21 Jesus instructed a rich man that “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
  • Christianity and preventing abortions are separate things. Jesus says NOTHING about abortions and the Old Testament is clear that a miscarried fetus is NOT the same as a baby/child/person. It is a complex issue. Christians are found in both the Pro Choice and Anti Choice camps.
  • Hobby Lobby gets the stuff it sells from China, because it is cheaper. China not only supports abortions, it forces women to have one upon occasion.
  • Hobby Lobby doesn’t mind abortions when there is money to be made. As reported in Forbes, “Mother Jones has uncovered numerous investments on the part of Hobby Lobby’s retirement fund in a wide variety of companies producing abortion and contraception related products.”

My, but the hypocrisy is DEEP in Hobby Lobby.

What does Jesus have to say about hypocrisy, boys and girls? By Golly, it turns out that He really, really disliked hypocrisy! Entire chapters, such as Matthew 23, are devoted to trash talking hypocrites! Jesus said “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.”

So worrying about abortion but not the health and wellbeing of all humans? Not practicing what you preach?

Woe to you, David Green.

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, Feminism, health, irony set on "stun", Jesus loves you but I think you are an asshat, shit I think y'all should know | 1 Comment

My Lilo is So Vulnerable

Today, when I was dropping my sweet little Lilo off at day camp, I overheard something that made my stomach cramp. She threw a frisbee to a boy and another boy, a “cool” sardonic tween, holler “nice throw Lilo” in the most sarcastic voice possible.

It was so sarcastic that even I got the inflection. (I asked Stitch and she confirmed that yes, the kid was being a dick.)

Lilo, however, didn’t “hear” the sarcasm thanks to Asperger Ears that have a hard time hearing the differences in voice inflections. Thus, she responded to the tween shitwad with, “Thanks Max! I’ve been practicing!” It was the most cheerful, open-hearted and friendly voice in the world. If she held up a sign saying “clueless potential bully-target” she couldn’t have sent a better message to the twatty toerag who had taunted her.

So I went over to the mean kid and pounded him into the ground like railway spike.

Well, that’s what I did in my heart anyway. My body calmly took Stitch to her camp to sign in, and then headed back to Camp Lilo. I reckoned there had been enough time so the bratty shit who mocked Lilo wouldn’t know I was talking to the councilors about him, so I approach the young fellow in charge.

“Young fellow in charge,” I said, “how much do you know about Asperger’s?” I then filled him in on the fact that Lilo was incredibly vulnerable to bullying because she wouldn’t even know for sure she was being picked on by her “friends”. I explained that he and the other councilors had to be extra careful about it. That normal-seeming kid interactions (sarcasm lives in the Tweens, y’all) could be targeting her in subtle ways that she has no defense against because she can’t “see” the arrows that are hitting her.

Part of me also yearned to tell Lilo to reply next time with, “Yeah, well my throw is still better than your face.” I additionally had to remind myself she was too young to tell people to suck her metaphorical dick.

I live in dread of the bullying that Lilo will almost certainly run into if she hangs with Muggles. All kids with Aspy’s get at least some bullying. If it becomes pervasive or severe I will homeschool her, but she is such a gregarious creature that I would like to give her an opportunity to adapt to the herd. I remind myself that 95+% of the kids she has met and played with have been nice to her and flexible about her weirdness. I am aware Muggles can torment their brethren Muggles, too. I hold on to the fact she is happy in camp and excited to go in the morning and has begged to have extended day.

Then I go throw up because I am terrified of her hurting even for a millisecond.

It also doesn’t make me feel better to know some kids are being raised by asshats who blame the Aspy kid for being bullied. For example, a boy was filmed being bullied and “the parents of the kids involved in the video are now standing up for their kids. The father of the teen who uploaded the video, Levi Weatherly, says Null is asking for it. “I would say three-fourths of this stuff he brings on himself and and probably a fourth of it is bullying that shouldn’t be going on,” Weatherly said.Since airing the news story on Monday, the news station has received over 100 comments— not in support of Null and his family—but in support of the bullies. Most of the comments blame Null for his disabilities:

Jamie Harrison wrote: “He called my nephew a nasty name and my nephew Cole cocked (sic) him in the mouth. I`m proud of my nephew for doing that.”

Nate Goof wrote: “This kid has done things to get people mad that I think he could probably control.”

People who spew that shit “provoke” me, but I betcha they’ll complain when I punch their noses thru the back of their skull.

*deep breath*

I’m getting some books that might help down the line: Safety Skills for Asperger Women, A Quest for Social Skills for Students With Autism or Asperger’s (including role-play games), and The Asperkid’s (Secret)  Book of Social Rules.

It is both hard and wonderful to be an Aspy girl.

Posted in daughters, I've been thinking too much, life as I know it, motherhood, victim blaming | 1 Comment