Hot Pagan Thunderpussy

Once upon a time, I pondered what would be the ultimate name for an all-girls 80’s heavy metal “hair” band. My fertile and teeming brain came up with Hot Pagan Thunderpussy. Mainly, I wanted to hear smooth-voiced DJs be forced to say Thunderpussy on the radio. You guys remember Casey Kasem’s weekly top 40 countdown? The request and dedication part? It would be glorious to hear him have to say, “And now, Bobby, here’s your request and dedication: Cum in my Eyes by Hot Pagan Thunderpussy.”

Plus, there is no way some people would not get bent out of shape over the name of the band, and that would be a serious boon for record sales. It’s all down to the word pussy. That is just such a naughty word. It’s an innocent little word with all kinds of sexual meaning that renders it positively filthy. Every culture has words like that. Although, all things being equal, if it were an British band I would have to have named it Hot Pagan Thunderfanny, which doesn’t have the same cachet, in my opinion.

However, a friend of mine, who is a New Age polytheistic kinda gal, took some exception to the “Pagan” part of Hot Pagan Thunderpussy. She wanted to know why I had chosen that particular religion. Was I intending to insult it an render it down to the mere acceptance of the sexual self as a means of denigrating it’s larger theological aspects?

Of course not.

But “Pagan” does connotation about the self-determination of sexuality, particularly for women,that you just don’t get from any other religion. When is the last time you thought about Christianity as a hotbed of liberated female sexuality? No one has ever bought me a beer because I looked Episcopalian. Have you ever thought of heated Buddist passion? I thought not. Raging agnostic lust? Nope. Sensual Jewish mothers? It is to laugh. Violent atheist desires? Har. Let’s face it, Hot Islamic Thunderpussy just wasn’t going to cut the mustard.

If a woman is pagan, though, she is ideologically constructed as someone who is the antithesis of a prude. Moreover, she is thought to actively resist anyone’s attempts to chain her or restrict her expression, sexual or otherwise. It’s fairly awesome, and one of the reasons people like Pat Roberston state that feminism encourages women to practice witchcraft. The asshat didn’t understand that just because most witches are free-thinking and liberated feminist types, doesn’t mean that all free-thinking and liberated feminist types are witches. Most people who live in Alabama are Americans, but that doesn’t mean most Americans are from Alabama. We are not impressed with your logic, Pat. Jesus love you, but the rest of us think you’re a wankstain.

Anyway, I wanted this fictitious band to be the most hard-core of autonomous females. I wanted them to scream the defiance held in the teenaged girl’s heart. I wanted them to become massively famous and cause far right-wing conservatives to faint. Why have an imaginary band if your not going to take it all the way? Honestly, people.

Furthermore, Hot Pagan Thunderpussy is just an awesomely cool name. 

You know they are destined for greatness, because they’re not even real but they are still stirring controversy. That rocks, y’all. All I need is four female musicians, some spandex, badass monikers, and some perm kits … I could totally make this happen.

I really should have learned to play the guitar. 

About Betty Fokker

I'm a stay-at-home feminist mom.
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30 Responses to Hot Pagan Thunderpussy

  1. Becky says:

    If you want a massively successful band, I’d go for the spandex and perms first. Actually being able to play your instruments seems to be pretty far down the list in the pop music world.

  2. Sure Thing says:

    I like how it plays out in music speak. “Hot Pagan Thunderpussy rocks”, “I love Hot Pagan Thunderpussy”, “I need to buy the new Hot Pagan Thunderpussy.”

  3. Kate George says:

    I wish I had the courage to be that controversial! Oh the fun…

  4. Tawna Fenske says:

    I agree that would be an epic name for a band. I also like your commentary on the word “pussy.” In American culture, that’s one of those taboo words (like the “c-word”) that makes people freak the f**k out. I’ve never understood it, but when I was living in Venezuela, I noticed their most common swear word was “coño.” Literally translated, it’s sorta like cunt. Can I write that here? Cunt. But the way they use it is more like we use “crap” or “damn” or something fairly mild. You might stub your toe and shout, “coño de la madre!” (literally: cunt of the mother).

    But the words that really seem naughty to THEM are “shit” and “ass.” In America, I might tell someone to “kiss my ass” in a jokey sort of way, but I made the mistake of saying it in Spanish in Venezuela and you would have thought I’d just pissed on the guy’s stereo.

    Wow, that’s a lot of curse words in one blog comment, isn’t it?


    • AB says:

      I thoroughly enjoyed both the movie Saved! and the commentry track for it. They talk about the scene where Cassandra pretends to be speaking in tongues, and they weren’t allowed to have Hillary-Faye say the word pussy, in the line ‘she’s saying she’s got a hot pussy!’ So in rebellion, the song playing in the background was the one they found that uses the word pussy the most frequently, which they couldn’t be criticized for, because it was ‘pussy willow’.

    • Betty Fokker says:

      Bwhahaha …

      Yes, you may use the word cunt here. I blog about pubic hair and poop (not together!) so it’s not like this is a “classy” blog. In Ecuador I think the word for pussy was something that sounded like “choocha”. Anthro friend brought me back that gem. We took to calling some professors trains, because they were choo-choos all right. Anthro humor, it’s low-brow (when it’s found at all).

    • Luna says:

      What a culture finds taboo is fascinating! The French have a thing about religion. A rather interesting and quite taboo swear is “tabernac” meaning, you might have guessed, tabernacle. Seems a funny thing to use as a swear.

      My favourite list of insults, cross culturally:

      • Clever Cherry / Betty says:

        “Suck devilcock in hell you faggotdwarf.” That is my favorite despite the fact that I love my brother who is gay and doesn’t appreciate the word faggot. It’s like the ultimate not only in cursing but also in anti political correctness.
        Of course you have to take into account that I’m weird. I don’t trust nuclear power. I love the whales and worry about them becoming extinct. Still my favorite bumper sticker of all time is Nuke the Whales For Jesus.
        Great site btw.

  5. MaineBetty says:

    This is so true, I snorted into my my coffee. No one’s every tried to buy me a beer with a line like, “You know your eyes are the color of the Blessed Mother’s robe.” Partially because my eyes are green, but, you get it. Actually, I think for most Catholic men, just that thought would put them right off their game.
    Happy hotty sex is rare in Christianity, unfortunately. You’ve got go back to the Song of Songs for the good stuff. Or, or course, Delilah. The sad thing is while many people reject so much from their religious backgrounds, they’re still saddled with shame and fear about their sexuality. Bummer.

  6. Stormy (a.k.a. Bacon Sex Betty) says:

    You know, dear Fokker, I have to literally *brace* myself to read through an entire post of yours. I breathe, do a few stretches, make certain I have swallowed anything residual that might linger in my throat. Then I dive right in. This one…equally as amusing. Yes, you make a wonderful point (or two or three). But you do so in such a way that I guffaw and snort and probably even belch. My every bodily function is roused by the humor by which you seem to attack life.

    I am in awe of you. Please take this in the spirit of compliment in which I attempted to convey. :)

  7. Louise says:

    Call me a prude but I can’t stand that word or any of the other slang for women’s genitals. I don’t think “reclaiming” them like some other put-down words (the N one, for instance) really works, and I find those words objectify women.

    • Tawna Fenske says:

      I like being objectified :)

      I’m an equal opportunity objectifier, though. Just ask my husband, he’s subjected to daily objectifying and ogling, usually with a crude comment thrown in for that extra bit of romance.


    • lunarmom says:

      Louise, I see your point, and sometimes those words are harsh to hear, in the wrong settings. But I have been in the process of reclaiming (and by that I mean “educating those who don’t know about”) the word Witch for over 35 years now. It really does work. But you have to do it gently.
      (who really is a pagan and will be commenting as such further down)

    • Betty Fokker says:

      Louise, I promise that I would never call you a prude for having opinions or ideas of your own, and expressing them. In fact, I support that!! Still, I cannot help but think “what a great name for a rock band! It is stirring feminist controversy!” I have these thoughts because I am crass and vulgar being. However, I don’t think the fact you are NOT crass and vulgar makes you any less cool and awesome.

  8. I would look like mrs. potato head in spandex but I *can* sing as well as the ke$has of the world so i’m in. i’d play drums but i can’t feel a beat…does that disqualify me? i thought i’d dance around with enthusiasm but without discernible rhythm and shout HPT ROX! a lot.

  9. Kate George says:

    I’m an Anthro major too! UC Davis. But I stopped at my B.A. Was busy putting my husband through Law School.

  10. lunarmom says:

    Ohmyfreakinggawd Fokker! I laughed so hard at this one that the dog was alarmed! (Then I had to shout over there <— to Daniel and say "go read Fokker, NOW!")

    Why yes, I AM a Pagan! Ta da! And I DO claim that loudly. (Ya know, among the other titles I hold, like: Lunatic, and Mom of Three Grown People Who Have Jobs and Homes of Their Own.)
    I want to be in the band, for the integrity of it. Sadly, I have no musical ability AT ALL. Can I just wear lots of make-up and shake a tamborine or something? (I have outfits like Stevie Nicks, so I'm totally good on that level.)
    Proud to be Pagan (if not exactly Hot, but with the needed parts)

  11. Clever Cherry / Betty says:

    I loved the blog post. I just have to disagree with one statement. Sorry Fokker but we atheists are just as passionate and uninhibited as the pagans. I know. I practiced paganism for many years. And I remember it fondly. But having realized that I don’t believe in many gods/goddesses or even any gods or goddesses, I am still embracing that same passion and lack of inhibition that gets me nicknames like tramp or crazy person.
    Hey maybe that could be the name of my future blog. Atheist Tramp. I’ll have to think about that…

    • Skye says:

      Clever B/C: I like that! I, too, embraced paganism many years ago, but eventually found myself to be non-deist. I now call myself a Scientific Pantheist/Atheist/Buddhist. And I totally think that non-deists can totally rock the hot sex.

      I have no problems with the word pussy and like to use it in dirty talk. Along with many other dirty words. That’s why it’s called dirty talk. But I completely support anyone’s dislike of such words.

      Fokker, I will happily either participate in the band (I can sing okay) or sell t-shirts at events.

    • lunarmom says:

      Atheist Tramp is an excellent name for a band, oops, I mean your new blog.

  12. Nancy says:

    Way back before the dawn of time a little garage band from outside of Toronto was thought to be pretty good so they were invited to play at the Canada day festivities downtown Toronto. The mayor objected to their name and banned them from playing. He did not think anyone wanted to listen to a band named The Barenaked Ladies. True story.

  13. ThePioneer says:

    Your writing style is deep fat fried cat fish: delicious, yet somehow guilt inspiring, like when I laugh at the wrong parts of crime dramas. (Recursive metaphor, anyone?) Anyway, I was raised uber-narrow minded Christian, the sort of people who thought Pat Robertson was a wuss becasue he didn’t advocate armed revolution, and that women had to wear hankies on their head to pray and stuff. I fantasized long and hard about meeting a witch and enjoying freaky sex in on an alter with her, encircled by robed people and candle wax, etc. (People with sexual shame issues always have the coolest sexual fantasies).

    After I left the faith, I met some real witches and was terribly disappointed that (at least the ones I knew) seemed to spend a lot more time drinking herbal tea, and talking about their periods and social justice that having trysts in secluded glens. “The pagan woman” is just about as constructed an identity as “the atheist dude”. Oddly, while no one has ever bought be a drink, I have been asked if my wife and I are opene when people found out I was an atheist…so there is something there.

  14. ThePioneer says:

    Oh, and “H.P. Thunderpussy” sounds like the name of a pornstar in Victorian themed corset fetish porno.

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