Once upon a time, I pondered what would be the ultimate name for an all-girls 80’s heavy metal “hair” band. My fertile and teeming brain came up with Hot Pagan Thunderpussy. Mainly, I wanted to hear smooth-voiced DJs be forced to say Thunderpussy on the radio. You guys remember Casey Kasem’s weekly top 40 countdown? The request and dedication part? It would be glorious to hear him have to say, “And now, Bobby, here’s your request and dedication: Cum in my Eyes by Hot Pagan Thunderpussy.”
Plus, there is no way some people would not get bent out of shape over the name of the band, and that would be a serious boon for record sales. It’s all down to the word pussy. That is just such a naughty word. It’s an innocent little word with all kinds of sexual meaning that renders it positively filthy. Every culture has words like that. Although, all things being equal, if it were an British band I would have to have named it Hot Pagan Thunderfanny, which doesn’t have the same cachet, in my opinion.
However, a friend of mine, who is a New Age polytheistic kinda gal, took some exception to the “Pagan” part of Hot Pagan Thunderpussy. She wanted to know why I had chosen that particular religion. Was I intending to insult it an render it down to the mere acceptance of the sexual self as a means of denigrating it’s larger theological aspects?
Of course not.
But “Pagan” does connotation about the self-determination of sexuality, particularly for women,that you just don’t get from any other religion. When is the last time you thought about Christianity as a hotbed of liberated female sexuality? No one has ever bought me a beer because I looked Episcopalian. Have you ever thought of heated Buddist passion? I thought not. Raging agnostic lust? Nope. Sensual Jewish mothers? It is to laugh. Violent atheist desires? Har. Let’s face it, Hot Islamic Thunderpussy just wasn’t going to cut the mustard.
If a woman is pagan, though, she is ideologically constructed as someone who is the antithesis of a prude. Moreover, she is thought to actively resist anyone’s attempts to chain her or restrict her expression, sexual or otherwise. It’s fairly awesome, and one of the reasons people like Pat Roberston state that feminism encourages women to practice witchcraft. The asshat didn’t understand that just because most witches are free-thinking and liberated feminist types, doesn’t mean that all free-thinking and liberated feminist types are witches. Most people who live in Alabama are Americans, but that doesn’t mean most Americans are from Alabama. We are not impressed with your logic, Pat. Jesus love you, but the rest of us think you’re a wankstain.
Anyway, I wanted this fictitious band to be the most hard-core of autonomous females. I wanted them to scream the defiance held in the teenaged girl’s heart. I wanted them to become massively famous and cause far right-wing conservatives to faint. Why have an imaginary band if your not going to take it all the way? Honestly, people.
Furthermore, Hot Pagan Thunderpussy is just an awesomely cool name.
You know they are destined for greatness, because they’re not even real but they are still stirring controversy. That rocks, y’all. All I need is four female musicians, some spandex, badass monikers, and some perm kits … I could totally make this happen.
I really should have learned to play the guitar.