Truly, I do suck

I totally forgot Stitch’s parent teacher conference.

Now, I am suffering from bad mommy mortification syndrome, which is a near fatal illness resulting from the feeling you are one of the least competent parents to have ever existed. I am like a shame sundae, covered with the chocolate sauce of neglectfulness, the whipped cream of scatter brained forgetfulness, and toped with a the cherry of dipshit.

Part of the reason I feel so bad about missing the meeting is that Stitch is the middle child. I swore I would never leave my adored Stitch suffering from a lack of attention. I never, ever missed one of Lilo’s parent teacher conferences, mainly because I never knew what panic-inducing oddness they would have unearthed about my eldest daughter. Not only is Stitch the middle child, she is the one who never gives me trouble. It would be so easy to assume she was okay, and concentrate on her more needy sisters. That is total anathema to me, and I have been determined not to fall into that parenting trap.

So what did I do? I forgot the meeting that would keep me up to date on Stitch’s school progress is all.


The head teacher (there are three teachers and two assistants in the Montessori classroom in which Stitch learns and frolics) has been very, very nice about it, and has cleared a place in her schedule to meet me today.  She believes me when I say that I am, sincerely, very interested in my little girl’s development. She also tells me it will be a short meeting because. “honestly, Stitch is kind of a perfect student and ahead of the developmental curve.” I am really glad to know that, but I don’t want to kick back and assume Stitch will raise herself … even though she could probably do it. I have friends who were middle children and basically raised themselves and turned out great, but they do remember sometimes feeling invisible as children. I do NOT want Stitch to ever feel invisible, or even overshadowed.

Because I love her, with all of my heart.

About Betty Fokker

I'm a stay-at-home feminist mom.
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7 Responses to Truly, I do suck

  1. katemgeorge says:

    I love this post. Mostly because of that last line, which made me smile. But also because non of us are perfect, and will make mistakes with all our children – and you are so fierce in your devotion to all three that I am in awe.

  2. Exactly what Kate said. And, you know, in one of my very favorite of parenting books, The Blessings of a Skinned Knee, she writes about how horrible it would be for the kids to have perfect parents, because who could live up to that? It is good for your kids to see you make a mistake, take responsibility for it and correct it so that they learn how to deal with their mistakes. So you’re all good. Really.

  3. Robin says:

    Third it. We all make mistakes and how we handle them teaches our children. Stitch will probably never even remember this (she’s young). However, I forgot my son’s IEP meeting at the high school level a couple of years back and he delights in torturing me over it.

  4. My mom and dad thought it necessary to convince us they were perfect parents. It backfired terribly, let me tell you. Better to be the honest person, who makes mistakes, that you are. Otherwise you send a message to your kids that it isn’t okay to make mistakes. Better to teach them accountability when you do. Sounds like you’ve got that covered.

  5. Oh, jeez, it’s contagious. I just got a phone call with a plaintive boy child on the other end: “Mom? When are you coming to pick me up?” I look at the clock and realize track practice ended a half an hour ago.


    I picked him up, apologized profusely, got him home and let him eat snack and watch Dr. Who. I think we’re okay.

  6. lora96litdiva says:


    Stitch knows you love her and find every aspect of her fascinating. Her teachers know you are an involved parent. We also forget crap all the time. So smile. I’m more than happy to reschedule or do phone conferences even on weekends because getting the parents interested is way harder than you’d think. So don’t stress. Give her an extra hug.

    And then think of the parent i called yesterday to see if Son was to ride the bus–she turned away rom the receiver and bellowed SHIT, we forgot to pick him up!

  7. lunarmom says:

    I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again, for all the years of my children’s growing up time, I began nearly every fucking day with, “oh shit, I’m sorry….”

    We lived. You’ve seen/read the evidence of that. They know that I love them and was NOT perfect. Neither are you. It’s what Karen (and everyone else said), how you handle it makes ALL the difference.

    Lora, exactly. I know from all those years of being an attentive parent, PTA prez, and classroom volunteer, my heroes are teachers. They (you!) will forgive a scattered mom when she is honestly trying to the very best she can.

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