In Praise of Tywanza Sanders

The name of monster who murdered nine people because they were black has been shown repeatedly around the internet. It should be. He should be looked at as a terrorist and reviled as one. However, I would like it if a different name sprang to mind in connection with the Charleston Massacre, because heroism and decency should be honored. That name is Tywanza Sanders.

Mr. Sanders was young, a recent college graduate, and a Episcopalian Christian. He was also brave and good and he should be remembered as such:

“Tywanza Sanders, 26, known as the peacemaker of the family, tried to calmly talk the man out of violence. “You don’t have to do this,” he told the gunman, Ms. Washington recounted. The gunman replied, “Yes. You are raping our women and taking over the country.” The gunman took aim at the oldest person present, Susie Jackson, 87, Mr. Sanders’s aunt, Ms. Washington said. Mr. Sanders told the man to point the gun at him instead, she said, but the man said, “It doesn’t matter. I’m going to shoot all of you.” Mr. Sanders dived in front of his aunt and the first shot struck him, Ms. Washington said, and then the gunman began shooting others.”

Tywanza Sanders died trying to save others. Tywanza Sanders deserves to be remembered as a hero.

Posted in racism, shit I think y'all should know | 1 Comment

Bullies and Believability

Guess the latest reason I cannot see Gozer and Gamer? Go on! Guess!

Remember how first they were honest and admitted they were using the kids as tactical weapons to force me to apologize to Taintface for smacking her down when she barked at me? And then Gozer didn’t really have Asperger’s and I couldn’t see her because I said she did? And then Gozer DID have Asperger’s but I “think I know everything” so I couldn’t see the kids until I admitted I was wrong even though I was right? And then I couldn’t see the kids because I said such egregious lies about BabyBro and Taintface on the report that their kids almost got taken away? Well, now that the slander that I said horrible things about them and almost got the kids taken from them has been conclusively disproved, the NEW cause for my punitive banishment is because I am a longstanding bully and I am just reaping my just rewards for my bullying.

See? Now the embargo is “for” the kids rather than “against” me, so BabyBro and Taintface can say they are certainly not using the kids as pawns!

How was I a bullying? It seems I was a bully by telling them that they should modify the kids diets. You know, to meet the needs of Gamer’s food sensitivities that he was medically shown to have and because Gozer’s autism is worsened by artificial dyes. Me giving them all those studies and stuff was just vicious, cruel bullying. There is nothing so base and evil as facts someone gives you to help your kids!

Golly, if I were ALWAYS such a bully for giving them facts about food – to the point I cannot see the children to punish me for my bullying – why were the kids allowed to spend two weeks at my house in the summer until AFTER I had the audacity to put Taintface in her place when she attacked me and insulted my children? I guess that is just some strange coincidence, hmmm?

They have also taught Gozer to call me a bully. Now she tells my mom, “Aunt Betty is a bully and has to say sorry so I can see her. When can I see her? Don’t tell mommy, just come get me and take me to her.” She has also begged me on the phone to “stop being a bully” so she can see me.

My heart hurts, and I’ve been crying all morning. I don’t know why this particular bullshit has kicked me in the feels so hard, but it has.

I think it is because of three reasons. First, that my Asperger’s is being used against me. I don’t know how to sugar-coat shit and it doesn’t occur to me that facts are anything but NUTRAL. If I tell someone a fact, I am telling them a fact and I assume they will do the right thing with it. If they don’t, and I care enough or it is important enough, I’ll reiterate the fact (lest they didn’t ‘get it’ the first time) or even start a debate about it. Which, to be fair, reads like an argument to Muggles. Because I have autism, it is very easy to rewrite me as aggressive simply because I didn’t know how to put on docile-face. It is one of autism’s ‘communication challenges’ and why adults with Asperger’s have a hard time in the work place or in social relationships.

Secondly, it’s because they are using the word “bully” WRONG and that drive me bananas. Bullying is “the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which distinguishes bullying from conflict. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.” It possible that BabyBro felt ‘bullied’ by my facts because he didn’t WANT my facts to be right and was secretly mad that my facts made him feel bad about not modifying the kids diets. However, his spinelessness in not telling me he didn’t want my facts is NOT the same as me being a bully. At worst, it was a conflict I didn’t even know was happening because my wishy-washy BabyBro has never told me he DIDN’T want my facts. He’s now whinging behind my back to mom, but that is hardly the same thing.

Finally, BabyBro has used my willingness to engage in conflict for those I love to fight his battles for years. He didn’t want to ‘fight’ with my parents, so his problems with depression and his learning disabilities were all shared with me and then he would hide while I rode into the fray to get him testing or meds or even to ‘bully’ them into letting him live with me for a while why he was in high school. I’ve kept his secrets and guarded his back and loved him, and now I am just some bully who is not worthy of seeing his children.

There is one positive note. Taintface is trying very hard to be a better mother to ‘prove’ me wrong for calling her out on some of her crap last year – at least in front of my parents. She is more affectionate with the kids and more engaged with them and is spending more time nurturing the new baby. All of this is good, and I am glad for the children’s sake. May she continue to try to display good parenting to ‘spite’ me as long as they live.

Now, excuse me while I go “bully” my husband into remembering to eat, take his meds, and check his blood-sugar. I am a vicious harpy that way.

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, Asperger's and Autism Spectrum, life as I know it, motherhood | 3 Comments

A 10 Year Old Autistic Child Is Not a Criminal

This is, even without the overlying racial implication, vile in the extreme:

“a 10-year-old African-American student diagnosed with autism ended up handcuffed and face down on the ground with a police officer’s knee in her back. Police were called after the girl had an outburst in class and began running around the classroom, jumping on desks, and knocking down chairs. She climbed out a classroom window and up a tree. The police dragged her away from the tree by her ankles and handcuffed her. Several officers were on the scene.

When the girl’s grandmother arrived, she found a police officer pressing her granddaughter’s face so close to the ground that she was having difficulty breathing. Officers eventually released the girl. Since the incident, the girl has said the police are not her friends and has asked, “Why do they hate me?”

Look, kids with autism can be ‘difficult’. They can have meltdowns/outbursts. They cannot fucking HELP IT, okay? Calling the police may or may not have been appropriate (the school should have had other protocols in place for the possible meltdown of a child with autism) but there is NO UNIVERSE in which that child should have been handcuffed, thrown on the grown, and had a grown man use a knee in the back to restrain her while another grown man helps him.

Autistic children are not criminals. They are not animals. They are CHILDREN.

Furthermore, restraint and seclusion are NOT go-to ways to deal with the needs of an autistic child. It is infinitely better that these techniques NOT be used at ALL because almost always they are used inappropriately to ‘punish’ the autistic child:

Restraint and seclusion is very different from things like a weighted blanket or a snug vest, which are designed to HELP an autistic child rather than punish them.

If an autistic child needs to be restrained (and it does happen, although it should be the absolutely last resort to keep the child from being harmed) then there are ways and methods that will make them feel safer without hurting them:

My daughter Lilo is 10 years old. She has autism. If I EVER discovered ANYTHING like this has taken place I would make the worst nightmares of those who did it seem like a happy place. I would form a very special band called The Litigious Vengeful Bitch and Her Lawyers.


Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, Asperger's and Autism Spectrum, daughters, health, motherhood, racism, shit I think y'all should know, victim blaming | Leave a comment

Stay On Target If You Want the Explosion

Yesterday there was a article on Jezebel entitled “How to Become a Cunnilingus Master”. I read it, in spite of personal desire to remain on the receiving end of cunnilingus, because I wanted to know what would qualify for mastership. One of the things that struck me as the most accurate was this:

“As she starts nearing orgasm, Kerner advises pulling her legs closer together to increase the stimulation. But there’s one thing, above all else, that you should remember as she gets close to orgasm: do not change what you’re doing in terms of routine and pacing. Do not let yourself get sped up by her rising intensity. Keep being deliberate and methodical. Consistency is key for most women, so once you’ve found something that works, stick to it and do not stray from the path! If you do, you may have a very frustrated woman on your hands.”

Can I get an amen, here?

The thing is, as a geek, my inner monologue during this phase of recreational activities is the voice of Red Leader form Star Wars, demanding that the pilot stay on target to a rising crescendo of music. 

Seriously, play that on a loop for about 4 minutes WITHOUT VARIATION and you’ll achieve the climatic scene:

Am I the only geek-freak who thinks of this?

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

A Funny Thing Happened …

There have been some funny things (both funny: haha and funny: odd) that have happened during and after my tonsillectomy, which I am not done whining about. As my faithful readers, you get to hear me moan and grumble about it all.

I peed on myself while under anesthetic. Apparently, wetting the bed is a thing that can happen when you get hit with the heavy stuff. The first thing I heard as I was coming around from the drugs was, “She’s peed; let’s get her changed” coming from two nice nurses who were taking off my panties. I apologized. They said nurses saw much worse all the time. True, but I was still sorry I had made tinkle on their bedding.

One of the reasons I went wee-wee in the OR is because they gave me succinylcholine, which meant all my muscles (including Ms. Urine Withholding Sphincter) cease to function. Considering all the sphincters that could have malfunctioned, I guess the one holding back whizzy-juice wasn’t the worst one to go.

Did you know that one of the side effects of being given succinylcholine is that you wake up feeling like you have been beaten all over with a baseball bat? Imagine you did a full body workout with a sadist and think of how sore you’d be. Now double it. That was me. It took the better part of 5 days for my body to quit aching.

Guess what liquid Vicodin (AKA Lortab AKA hydrocodone/acetaminophen mix) does for me? It make me a little loopy, but doesn’t make the pain all that much less! Fun times! However, the shot-glasses of children’s ibuprofen help somewhat so that’s a small blessing.

I have a cold, so my throat has found new ways and places to hurt thanks to sinus drainage and coughing. The uvulacorn mocks me. (BTW – the green and black streaks in the white of the cauterization are normal according to medical wisdom.)

My Sweet Babou is a wonderful husband … but he cannot clean a kitchen for shit. It also doesn’t occur to him that laundry is a thing that happens. Also, he also has a cold and when he complains about how bad it feels I want to poke him with a sharp stick. Irrational? Yes, but there it is.

Brushing my teeth is now an … adventure.

My friend Alis made a food recommendation that I could actually swallow! She suggested warm stirred custard. I made a stirred custard. I heated 600ml of whole milk in a sauce pan, and whipped 6 eggs and 1/3 a cup of sugar together in a mixer. When the milk was ‘scalded’ (steaming a pre-boiling) I poured it into the mixer and mixed the living bejebbus out of it. Then I poured everything back into to the sauce pan and cooked it over medium heat. It had to be stirred non-stop with a wooden spoon, but all three Fokker girls helped me with that. After about 20 minutes it thickened, denoted by the ability of the custard to coat the back of the spoon. I put a little aside for the girls as a treat, and then I ate the rest while it was still warm/hot. It went down my throat like a benediction, and for the first time in days my tummy stopped growling.

If only I had remembered my sensitivity to eggs.

Now, intestinal distress has joined my party.


Posted in health, life as I know it | 16 Comments

Recovering From a Tonsillectomy

Today, I sneezed.

It was a mistake. You know what it feels like to sneeze a few days after a tonsillectomy? It feels like Beelzebub himself was clawing the inside of my throat. 

Sadly, I was out of the pain meds my doc prescribed me post surgery.  Happily, I have lots of pain meds left over from other surgeries; I hadn’t needed to take them because I wasn’t in too much pain. I assumed I had a high pain tolerance. Ha. My pain tolerance was a sham. A mirage. A convenient untruth. Just one sneeze and Beelzebub throat has brought me to my knees.

In desperation I ground up a pain pill with a mortar and pestle and ate it in yogurt. It was very bitter. I don’t recommend it. Worse, now I think I am high from the pain pill, but it still hurts to swallow. I call shenanigans.

It looks horrible inside my mouth. The cauterized pits on the back of my throat are white with green and black streaks. It looks like the pelt of a dead and moldering unicorn. Or maybe an undead unicorn. I have dead unicorn of the uvula. Uvalcorn?

The girls just watched The Last Unicorn, and I was too tired to get off the couch and run away from it. I had forgotten that it was the nadir of cartooning. Like I wasn’t suffering enough.

I was starving and I tried to eat some soup, but it had spikes in it. They didn’t put “nettles” on the label, but I could tell they were in there. It should have read — Warning: broth may contain hatred and pine cones. Also, fairly sure it was flavored with tears of angry nuns. My only hope is that it made the undead uvalcorn unhappy.

The smell of petroleum prevails throughout.

Posted in health, life as I know it | 10 Comments

Goodbye Cruel Tonsils

Y’all, I am going under the the knife on Wednesday to get my heinous, turncoat tonsils evicted from the Fokker body. Tonsils are rated from 1 – 4 (with 1 being the best and 4 being Holy God they touch each other kill them with fire), and my guys are 3.5+ and yucky as all hell.

They’ve gotta go.

This might compromise my blogging schedule, if they are nice enough to give me the GOOD drugs for my pain. If I start posting shit like “The Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout” then assume I’m blogging while high and ignore it. Unless it is really pithy; then feel free to think I am a magnificent wit.

Posted in health, life as I know it | 7 Comments