Guess the latest reason I cannot see Gozer and Gamer? Go on! Guess!
Remember how first they were honest and admitted they were using the kids as tactical weapons to force me to apologize to Taintface for smacking her down when she barked at me? And then Gozer didn’t really have Asperger’s and I couldn’t see her because I said she did? And then Gozer DID have Asperger’s but I “think I know everything” so I couldn’t see the kids until I admitted I was wrong even though I was right? And then I couldn’t see the kids because I said such egregious lies about BabyBro and Taintface on the report that their kids almost got taken away? Well, now that the slander that I said horrible things about them and almost got the kids taken from them has been conclusively disproved, the NEW cause for my punitive banishment is because I am a longstanding bully and I am just reaping my just rewards for my bullying.
See? Now the embargo is “for” the kids rather than “against” me, so BabyBro and Taintface can say they are certainly not using the kids as pawns!
How was I a bullying? It seems I was a bully by telling them that they should modify the kids diets. You know, to meet the needs of Gamer’s food sensitivities that he was medically shown to have and because Gozer’s autism is worsened by artificial dyes. Me giving them all those studies and stuff was just vicious, cruel bullying. There is nothing so base and evil as facts someone gives you to help your kids!
Golly, if I were ALWAYS such a bully for giving them facts about food – to the point I cannot see the children to punish me for my bullying – why were the kids allowed to spend two weeks at my house in the summer until AFTER I had the audacity to put Taintface in her place when she attacked me and insulted my children? I guess that is just some strange coincidence, hmmm?
They have also taught Gozer to call me a bully. Now she tells my mom, “Aunt Betty is a bully and has to say sorry so I can see her. When can I see her? Don’t tell mommy, just come get me and take me to her.” She has also begged me on the phone to “stop being a bully” so she can see me.
My heart hurts, and I’ve been crying all morning. I don’t know why this particular bullshit has kicked me in the feels so hard, but it has.
I think it is because of three reasons. First, that my Asperger’s is being used against me. I don’t know how to sugar-coat shit and it doesn’t occur to me that facts are anything but NUTRAL. If I tell someone a fact, I am telling them a fact and I assume they will do the right thing with it. If they don’t, and I care enough or it is important enough, I’ll reiterate the fact (lest they didn’t ‘get it’ the first time) or even start a debate about it. Which, to be fair, reads like an argument to Muggles. Because I have autism, it is very easy to rewrite me as aggressive simply because I didn’t know how to put on docile-face. It is one of autism’s ‘communication challenges’ and why adults with Asperger’s have a hard time in the work place or in social relationships.
Secondly, it’s because they are using the word “bully” WRONG and that drive me bananas. Bullying is “the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which distinguishes bullying from conflict. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.” It possible that BabyBro felt ‘bullied’ by my facts because he didn’t WANT my facts to be right and was secretly mad that my facts made him feel bad about not modifying the kids diets. However, his spinelessness in not telling me he didn’t want my facts is NOT the same as me being a bully. At worst, it was a conflict I didn’t even know was happening because my wishy-washy BabyBro has never told me he DIDN’T want my facts. He’s now whinging behind my back to mom, but that is hardly the same thing.
Finally, BabyBro has used my willingness to engage in conflict for those I love to fight his battles for years. He didn’t want to ‘fight’ with my parents, so his problems with depression and his learning disabilities were all shared with me and then he would hide while I rode into the fray to get him testing or meds or even to ‘bully’ them into letting him live with me for a while why he was in high school. I’ve kept his secrets and guarded his back and loved him, and now I am just some bully who is not worthy of seeing his children.
There is one positive note. Taintface is trying very hard to be a better mother to ‘prove’ me wrong for calling her out on some of her crap last year – at least in front of my parents. She is more affectionate with the kids and more engaged with them and is spending more time nurturing the new baby. All of this is good, and I am glad for the children’s sake. May she continue to try to display good parenting to ‘spite’ me as long as they live.
Now, excuse me while I go “bully” my husband into remembering to eat, take his meds, and check his blood-sugar. I am a vicious harpy that way.