Tooth Fairies and Hyperdontia

Big news on the tooth front in the Fokker Funny Farm.

First, Lilo has lost another premolar and her 12th year molars are making her gums swell, but they haven’t started erupting yet. Still another year before she’ll need to get braces.

Secondly, Stitch has hyperdontia, AKA she’s got a sumpernumerary tooth. Her X-ray shows she has another pearly friend between her maxillary central incisors that thinks it should join the party. Happily, it is a supplemental tooth (it is shaped like a regular tooth) and not some crazy peg-shaped tusk, but it will have to be surgically extracted. They are hoping it won’t be an issue until she needs her wisdom teeth out, so they can do all the yanking of teeth at once. Also, if we wait until the extra tooth breaks through the gum into her mouth the surgery will be less complicated.

Being Stitch, the first thing she asked was if she’d still get something from the Tooth Fairy even if the teeth had been forcibly removed. She was completely chill about the whole thing once she learned she’d get to hit the Tooth Fairy with a triple-play.

My middle daughter’s extra dental visitor is extra problematic because she has HUGE teeth but a TINY jaw. She’s got size 6 teeth in a size 2 mouth; there is no room. Thus, Stitch is being fitted for a palate expander. If we don’t widen her upper palate then her bite and dental alignment will get off kilter and worsen as she grows. After her mouth enbiggens, braces will be applied to make those chompers line up.

In sum, Stitch is going to need a shitload of dental work for non-cosmetic reasons. Our insurance, although the best available to us through Sweet Babou’s company, will be paying for about HALF of it. The rest of it is coming out of our pocket.

Does anyone know where I can sell a kidney?

Posted in daughters, health, life as I know it, motherhood | 4 Comments

Spock Being Adorable Again

Spock had a fellow kindergartener spend the night on Friday. They’ve been firm friends for most of their lives (3/5 of it, to be exact) and are good buddies Thus, spend the nights are full of awesome and joy. However, on Saturday they would need to arise at a decent time to go to the local Makers Faire. Thus, Sweet Babou and I got to hear Spock tell her little friend this:

“I was planning on partying all night with you, but we’ll have to stop after this Elmo book because we have to get up early tomorrow.”

OMG I love my kids.

Posted in daughters, I like this, dammit., life as I know it, motherhood | Leave a comment

Motivations for Mass Murders

There are two main motivations for mass murders. One is terroristic. The killer is trying to effect a sociopolitical change using terror and indiscriminate violence against a specific group. This is shit like 9/11 and the Charleston church shootings. These asshats believe that they are heroically slaughtering innocent people for a ‘cause’.

The second is because the murdered is a psychopath. Regardless of the reasons they give for their murders, all psychopathic mass shooters are motivated by the same thing, and  “what lies at the heart of their anger is victimization. Whether real or imagined, the psychopathic mass killer believes that he or she has been ruined in some way … Being the narcissists that they are, mass killers make everything about them. The entire killing is meant to highlight the wrong that has been done to them while at the same time punishing those responsible.”

Clearly, Vester Lee Flanagan (AKA Bryce Williams) falls in the second camp. It is doubtless that experienced some forms of racism and homophobia at work, although it was probably in the form of microaggressions that the victims didn’t even know WERE racist, but the reality or non-reality of his dealings with racism and/or homophobia is not the real reason he killed his former co-workers. He killed them because he had a narcissistic need to punish someone for his anger that the rest of the world was not acknowledging that he was a superior form of humanity the way he thought it should.

People with narcissistic personality disorder, which is a form psychopathology, have five or more of the following symptoms:

  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  • Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
  • Requires excessive admiration
  • Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
  • Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
  • Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
  • Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
  • Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Flanagan/Williams was not some nice, average black man driven to ‘snap’ by racism any more that Marc Lepine was a nice guy driven to ‘snap’ by women finally getting a chance to go to engineering school or George Sodoni was a nice guy driven to ‘snap’ by his lack of sex life. Lepine and Sodoni didn’t get into engineering school or get dates, but that doesn’t mean their murder sprees were justified by this thin veneer of ‘real’ justification. Flanagan/Williams probably dealt with racism on a daily basis, but the reality of his victimization was not the real reason for his murder of Adam Ward and Alison Parker. He was a narcissist filled with rage and wanted to get famous and to punish the people ‘responsible’ for his woes. Adam Ward and Alison Parker were not the whole of systemic racism in America, and there is no proof that they were racist; they were scapegoats for everything Flanagan/Williams felt denied him is rightful place in the sun.

This erroneous feeling of being denied something that is rightfully theirs is why:

“most school shooters are White males, with 97 percent being male and 79 percent White. Over the last three decades, 90 percent of high school or elementary school shootings were the result of White, often upper-middle class, perpetrators. These shootings are a direct reflection of White male privilege and the consequences that occur when groups like the NRA control influential conservative leaders. Before his May 23rd premeditated killing spree, Elliot Rodger2 posted a YouTube video saying his intention was to “slaughter every single spoiled stuck up blonde slut I see” inside a sorority house, because they “all would have rejected [him] and looked down upon [him] as an inferior man if [he] ever made a sexual advance towards them.” These chilling comments cannot be simply regarded as nonsense from a “madman,” because they actually represent the deeply entrenched manifestation of our misogynistic society. Furthermore, the case of Elliot Rodger exposes the prevailing intersection between gender and race of gun violence.”

The fact that Flanagan/Williams was one of the 21% of shooters who weren’t white is a note of interest, but not the underlying causal factor in his murder of two innocent people.

Posted in I've been thinking too much, racism, shit I think y'all should know, victim blaming | Leave a comment

Regency, Romance, and Retreat

I have good news and bad news. The bad news is the world is full of shitty things happening and the good news is that I am not blogging about them. I’ve had a brainstorm, and am currently writing erotic/romance fiction. Speaking of, have you guys seen my (AKA Sylvia Ketrie’s) new cover for Tempted By Infamy?

New Tempted Cover

Considering that news of the world has made the Fokker blue today, please do me a solid and go review my little opus. Unless you think it sucked. In which case do NOT review it. Pretend you never saw it. Recommend it to your friends anyway.

Meanwhile, I am heading back to the early 19th century to create a little rumpy-pumpy romance in the Regency. Because that is about the only thing that isn’t making me think sad thoughts.

Posted in life as I know it | 1 Comment

It wasn’t the cupcakes

Lilo had a meltdown this week. She lost her little blue mind when there were cupcakes in the room that she couldn’t have. She pulled it back together fairly quickly, but she it was enough that her teacher emailed me, asking what she could keep in the room to give Lilo in case of gluten-treat-threat.

Odd, I thought to myself, Lilo has never melted down over food before. I wonder what the real issue was?

Thus, I talked to Lilo about it. Lo and behold, she was indeed already upset about something prior to the cupcakes but her face had been showing no distress. So far, so autistic. There is often Crouching Touchy, Hidden Drama within the breast of an Aspy that is making not much as a ripple upon their countenance. Then, something minor happens – the last straw – and the meltdown commences.

Okay, but WHAT was she upset about?

Well, it turns out her friend Liberty is adopted and she was telling Lilo all about it that day. Liberty’s birth mother relinquished Liberty because the mother was only nineteen years old and wanted Liberty to have the stable, middle-class dream she couldn’t give her. I asked Lilo what had upset her about this. I was expecting that I was going to have to explain that birth mothers gave their children up because they loved them and wanted what was best for them. It’s usually the ‘abandonment’ mythos that bugs a kid, right?

Not my daughter.

No, her heart was breaking with empathetic pain for Liberty’s birth mom. To have to give up your baby in order to make sure it had everything it needed? Hell. On. Earth. It was so hard to think about that Lilo started sobbing, and would only calm down after I swore – pinkie swear even – on my eternal soul that her father and I would ALWAYS help her keep her baby no matter HOW young she was when she gave birth. She would never, ever be forced by circumstances to relinquish her child.

After those guarantees, she was happy as a pig in muck again. Crisis solved. Plans to get her a copper T IUD for her sixteenth birthday made. Not that my baby will ever start having sex, because the very concept makes me head fall off and roll around on the floor gibbering.

Is it just me, or is there some sort of hella maternal instinct going on in that kid?

Posted in Asperger's and Autism Spectrum, daughters, life as I know it, motherhood | 4 Comments

As Long as It Hurts Me Too, I Guess

The Fokkers are going to Disney World in December, and the Fokkerlings are losing their damn minds with joy about it (of course). My mom was so pleased to see their joy that she suggested to my brothers that she and dad be allowed to take the remaining cousins down at the same time, so there could be cousin-a-palozza at the Magic Kingdom. She was very, very careful to ask my brothers where the kids wouldn’t overhear, because the last thing you want is to raise a child’s hopes and then shit on those hopes.

Well, it is the last thing NORMAL people want.

MiddleBro and wife said no because they don’t want to take the kids out of school (fair enough) but were effusive with their thanks. BabyBro and Taintface said no because I am evil and not allowed to see the kids as my punishment (except, of course, when they really need my parents to babysit and I’m at the parental units’ home). We were expecting as much, but my mom has eternal hopes and thus had to try.

Now, here is where it gets into the WTF zone. Gamer and Gozer told my mom yesterday that “we can’t go to Disney World with Aunt Betty no way, no how”. Apparently someone *cough Taintface *cough told them about the trip just to make sure they knew they couldn’t go because of me. You see, she cannot be happy unless her children are taught to hate me and she wants to make sure they know it is all MY fault they aren’t going to Disney World. You know, because that’s the kind of logic she employs to blame me for her failings as a parent.

My mom, naturally, called BabyBro on it. BabyBro immediately did the dance of “they probably just overheard it and little pitchers have big ears”. Yeah, bullshit. We all know Taintface told them because she is a thoughtless asshat who doesn’t care if her children get hurt as long as I am punished by finding out about it.

I am trying to think of a world where I could hate someone bad enough to hurt my kids just to hurt them. Nope, nothing springs to mind.

It reminds me of a hideous divorce Sorcha went through, wherein her ex (not PrissPot; he’s later) would say horrible things to my godchildren to upset them and wouldn’t let the little boy be tested for ADHD or dyslexia just because Sorcha thought it was a good idea. This backfired on him, in that his daughter told the courts she never wanted to see him again and she stopped speaking to him from age 13 on, and his son had to repeat sixth grade because hey-look-at-that he had auditory processing delay and mild dyslexia. I remember hating Sorcha’s ex with the fire of 1000 suns because what kind of monster would do that to their own kids just to “punish” someone else?

Turns out they don’t have to be ‘monsters’. They just have to be extremely egocentric, self-absorbed, careless, twatwaffles.

Like Taintface.

Posted in are you kidding me with this shit?, daughters, life as I know it, motherhood | 3 Comments

Rest In Peace, E’dena Hines

Morgan Freeman’s granddaughter, E’dena Hines, was stabbed to death by a mentally ill man (who appears to have been either her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend) claiming he was performing an exorcism. E’dena Hines is granddaughter that I believed Morgan Freeman had preyed on because 1) the mainstream media had reported some bullshit the Enquirer spewed and 2) my faith in humanity is so low that I though it was just another Woody Allen-esque nightmare. Turns out I was wrong, but thanks to the info popping up on “creditable” source (including mine, for which I feel like an asshat) many, MANY people are still under the impression he had been sleeping with his granddaughter at some point. Now, adding to the pain is the fact that the granddaughter, E’dena Hines, is tragically dead at only 33 years of age.

My sincerest condolences to all of the Hines and Freeman families, and all those who loved her.

Posted in shit I think y'all should know, victim blaming | 1 Comment